Objectophilia is a fetished form of sexuality focused on inanimate objects. Usually the object of lust is a specific item or a couple -- not just random items. People that have this sexualized object preference may have feelings of lust, attraction, love, and even seemingly have a relationship to or with certain items or structures relative to their focus. One must wonder if there is a slippery slope with sex toys, blow up dolls and fetishes for items like shoes, panties etc.
I personally want to call it "Nounophillia"
Showing posts with label Blonde Domme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blonde Domme. Show all posts
lost in binaural
one has to wonder...hypnosis...binaural beats...what can happen if we let go...?
I mean really let go...
here's a "hands free binaural masturbation for men" SOMEONE TRY IT AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!
hmm a throwback
This makes me think of rollerskating and this guy named Mark List...guess back in the day (middle school) and needless to say ended up my first kiss...
how to share your fantasies
ometimes sharing your fantasies is as easy as, “hey, I’m into XYZ. Want to do it with me?” But not all of us have that level of comfort with our desires. Here’s how to feel more at ease divulging your fantasies.
Get Comfortable with Those Fantasies First
It’s really hard to ask someone to do something with you in bed if you don’t feel fully comfortable with what you’re asking for. Just like the old, “you have to love yourself first before you can let someone else love you” adage, you have to honor your fantasies if you want someone to else to treat them with respect!
Part of having a healthy adult sex life is taking the time to explore our desires and learn what turns us on, without judgment. Think through your fantasies on your own (perhaps while you’re masturbating), and try to get a sense of what lights your fire. It might be helpful for you to differentiate between your fantasies and your desires. Fantasies are the things you think about that turn you on. Desires are the things you actually want to happen. You might fantasize about having sex in public, but not actually ever want to do it. Sometimes making that differentiation can make it easier to acknowledge what turns us on.
From there, try simply saying out loud what you’re interested in. It’s not like you need to nail down every exact detail, but try something simple like “I like being dominated” or “I want to have a threesome.” Repeat until you start to feel more comfortable with the words. Give yourself permission to have your fantasies and desires. All of us have been taught to be ashamed of our sexualities in one way or another, so this can be a challenging step for some people. Just try saying to yourself, “I give myself permission to be turned on by this.”
These steps may sound a little silly at first, but they make a huge difference in your relationship with your sexuality, and in your ability to advocate for your own desires. The way you relate to your fantasies will define how your partner will respond to them. If you turn beet red and stammer your way through asking for anal, your partner is going to feel your discomfort, and they’ll be less likely to go along with your request. But if you’re able to ask confidently and clearly, your partner will instantly feel more at ease.
Don’t Overanalyze Your Fantasies
The very word “fantasy” makes a lot of people nervous, so they wind up making their fantasies seem like a bigger deal than they really are. A fantasy is just something that turns you on in your mind. Sure, you can have a detailed dungeon torture fantasy, but you can also have a fantasy as simple as “I want to have sex with the lights on.” You can also be unsure about your fantasies. For example, you may be curious about having an orgy, but not sure if you’d actually like it in reality.
You also don’t need to try to make sense of why you have a particular fantasy or what it “says about you” that some particular thing turns you on. Remember, fantasies don’t always overlap with desires. But even if you do want to try out a fantasy in real life, there’s still no need to judge it. Rape fantasies are a classic example: being raped is one of the top five fantasies for women, but having a rape fantasy doesn’t mean you actually want to be raped in real life. It also doesn’t make you a crazy person or a bad feminist.
Sure, sometimes there are clear reasons why we have specific fantasies. You might be able to identify that you’re into the dynamic of letting go of control since you have so much control over every other aspect of your life. Sometimes we have a fantasy specifically because it’s so different from how we would allow ourselves to act in the real world. But not every fantasy has a clear explanation, and the bottom line is that it really doesn’t matter. If something turns you on, if it’s happening between consenting adults, and if no one’s being hurt (against their will), it’s fine.
Figure Out When to Ask
Everyone has different relationships with their fantasies. For some people, they’re the cherry on top of the sundae but not the main event. If that’s the case for you, it may be better to wait a while before bringing your fantasies up with a new partner. Give yourselves the opportunity to get comfortable and familiar with each other before you start sharing more personal details about your interests.
For other people, fantasies are more front and center. Some people can’t be sexually satisfied unless they have a very particular kind of sex. If incompatibility with your fantasies is a deal-breaker for you, you may find it best to share your fantasies sooner rather than later. Let your partner know, “this is what I’m looking for. I don’t want to waste either of our time if you’re not interested in that.” You may even want to use a service like Adult Friend Finder or Fetlife to put all your cards on the table.
If you’re really afraid of your partner’s reaction, try easing your way into it. If you’re into sensation play, ask your partner of they’d be into using a massage oil candle before you whip out the Wartenburg wheel. You can also try using leading questions to gauge their potential reactions. For example, “I read about this thing on the internet today. Have you ever thought about doing something like that?” Or try watching porn or reading erotica that has some aspect of your fantasy in it, and see how your partner reacts.
It’s also worth mentioning that you don’t have to share every aspect of your private fantasy world with your partner, even if you’re in a serious relationship. You may have fantasies that you’re not actually interested in indulging. We all have the right to a little privacy when it comes to our fantasies! Like, say, when you fantasize about other people. No matter how much you love your partner, you’re going to fantasize about other people on occasion. This isn’t cheating, and there’s no need to “confess”! It’s up to you to decide how much of your fantasy world to share, but a simple guideline is to only divulge the things you actually want to try.
Tell Your Partner Why You Want to Do It With Them
For a lot of people, hearing a partner’s fantasy can bring up insecurity. It’s easy to go to a place of not feeling like you’re “enough” for your partner.
One simple way to get around this is to share the specific reasons why you want to act out your fantasy with them. Maybe you’ve never met someone you trusted as much as your current partner. Maybe they’re the only person who has helped you feel safe enough to explore your fantasies. Maybe they look exactly like a character you used to fantasize about as a horny teenager. Maybe you can’t get the thought of her beautiful breasts wrapped up with bondage tape out of your mind, or his strong arms pinning you down. Whatever it is, share with your partner why they are a crucial part of your fantasy instead of just playing a role that any other person could play.
Try These Lines
Still feeling stumped? Here are some easy prompts to get you started:
“You know what sounds really hot to me?” “There’s this thing I’ve always wanted to try, but I’ve been waiting until I found the right person.”
“I would love to see you doing...”
“What did you fantasize about when you were a teenager?”
“Have you ever thought about doing...”
“I saw this movie that had a scene where the actors were doing... Would you ever do something like that?”
“How do you feel about...”
“I’m not sure I’d actually like this, but I’ve always been a little curious about trying...”
Even if the thought of sharing your fantasy has got you stressed, remember that your partner’s reaction to your disclosure says a lot about whether they’re worthy of your time and affection. Do they treat your fantasy with respect? Do they listen to you without judgment? Are they willing to at least consider your request? Sharing your fantasies is a great way to gauge your long-term compatibility with someone.
Get Comfortable with Those Fantasies First
It’s really hard to ask someone to do something with you in bed if you don’t feel fully comfortable with what you’re asking for. Just like the old, “you have to love yourself first before you can let someone else love you” adage, you have to honor your fantasies if you want someone to else to treat them with respect!
Part of having a healthy adult sex life is taking the time to explore our desires and learn what turns us on, without judgment. Think through your fantasies on your own (perhaps while you’re masturbating), and try to get a sense of what lights your fire. It might be helpful for you to differentiate between your fantasies and your desires. Fantasies are the things you think about that turn you on. Desires are the things you actually want to happen. You might fantasize about having sex in public, but not actually ever want to do it. Sometimes making that differentiation can make it easier to acknowledge what turns us on.
From there, try simply saying out loud what you’re interested in. It’s not like you need to nail down every exact detail, but try something simple like “I like being dominated” or “I want to have a threesome.” Repeat until you start to feel more comfortable with the words. Give yourself permission to have your fantasies and desires. All of us have been taught to be ashamed of our sexualities in one way or another, so this can be a challenging step for some people. Just try saying to yourself, “I give myself permission to be turned on by this.”
These steps may sound a little silly at first, but they make a huge difference in your relationship with your sexuality, and in your ability to advocate for your own desires. The way you relate to your fantasies will define how your partner will respond to them. If you turn beet red and stammer your way through asking for anal, your partner is going to feel your discomfort, and they’ll be less likely to go along with your request. But if you’re able to ask confidently and clearly, your partner will instantly feel more at ease.
Don’t Overanalyze Your Fantasies
The very word “fantasy” makes a lot of people nervous, so they wind up making their fantasies seem like a bigger deal than they really are. A fantasy is just something that turns you on in your mind. Sure, you can have a detailed dungeon torture fantasy, but you can also have a fantasy as simple as “I want to have sex with the lights on.” You can also be unsure about your fantasies. For example, you may be curious about having an orgy, but not sure if you’d actually like it in reality.
You also don’t need to try to make sense of why you have a particular fantasy or what it “says about you” that some particular thing turns you on. Remember, fantasies don’t always overlap with desires. But even if you do want to try out a fantasy in real life, there’s still no need to judge it. Rape fantasies are a classic example: being raped is one of the top five fantasies for women, but having a rape fantasy doesn’t mean you actually want to be raped in real life. It also doesn’t make you a crazy person or a bad feminist.
Sure, sometimes there are clear reasons why we have specific fantasies. You might be able to identify that you’re into the dynamic of letting go of control since you have so much control over every other aspect of your life. Sometimes we have a fantasy specifically because it’s so different from how we would allow ourselves to act in the real world. But not every fantasy has a clear explanation, and the bottom line is that it really doesn’t matter. If something turns you on, if it’s happening between consenting adults, and if no one’s being hurt (against their will), it’s fine.
Figure Out When to Ask
Everyone has different relationships with their fantasies. For some people, they’re the cherry on top of the sundae but not the main event. If that’s the case for you, it may be better to wait a while before bringing your fantasies up with a new partner. Give yourselves the opportunity to get comfortable and familiar with each other before you start sharing more personal details about your interests.
For other people, fantasies are more front and center. Some people can’t be sexually satisfied unless they have a very particular kind of sex. If incompatibility with your fantasies is a deal-breaker for you, you may find it best to share your fantasies sooner rather than later. Let your partner know, “this is what I’m looking for. I don’t want to waste either of our time if you’re not interested in that.” You may even want to use a service like Adult Friend Finder or Fetlife to put all your cards on the table.
If you’re really afraid of your partner’s reaction, try easing your way into it. If you’re into sensation play, ask your partner of they’d be into using a massage oil candle before you whip out the Wartenburg wheel. You can also try using leading questions to gauge their potential reactions. For example, “I read about this thing on the internet today. Have you ever thought about doing something like that?” Or try watching porn or reading erotica that has some aspect of your fantasy in it, and see how your partner reacts.
It’s also worth mentioning that you don’t have to share every aspect of your private fantasy world with your partner, even if you’re in a serious relationship. You may have fantasies that you’re not actually interested in indulging. We all have the right to a little privacy when it comes to our fantasies! Like, say, when you fantasize about other people. No matter how much you love your partner, you’re going to fantasize about other people on occasion. This isn’t cheating, and there’s no need to “confess”! It’s up to you to decide how much of your fantasy world to share, but a simple guideline is to only divulge the things you actually want to try.
Tell Your Partner Why You Want to Do It With Them
For a lot of people, hearing a partner’s fantasy can bring up insecurity. It’s easy to go to a place of not feeling like you’re “enough” for your partner.
One simple way to get around this is to share the specific reasons why you want to act out your fantasy with them. Maybe you’ve never met someone you trusted as much as your current partner. Maybe they’re the only person who has helped you feel safe enough to explore your fantasies. Maybe they look exactly like a character you used to fantasize about as a horny teenager. Maybe you can’t get the thought of her beautiful breasts wrapped up with bondage tape out of your mind, or his strong arms pinning you down. Whatever it is, share with your partner why they are a crucial part of your fantasy instead of just playing a role that any other person could play.
Try These Lines
Still feeling stumped? Here are some easy prompts to get you started:
“You know what sounds really hot to me?” “There’s this thing I’ve always wanted to try, but I’ve been waiting until I found the right person.”
“I would love to see you doing...”
“What did you fantasize about when you were a teenager?”
“Have you ever thought about doing...”
“I saw this movie that had a scene where the actors were doing... Would you ever do something like that?”
“How do you feel about...”
“I’m not sure I’d actually like this, but I’ve always been a little curious about trying...”
Even if the thought of sharing your fantasy has got you stressed, remember that your partner’s reaction to your disclosure says a lot about whether they’re worthy of your time and affection. Do they treat your fantasy with respect? Do they listen to you without judgment? Are they willing to at least consider your request? Sharing your fantasies is a great way to gauge your long-term compatibility with someone.
BSSM Test: test your knowledge!
http://domination-submission.com/the-bdsm-quiz/
send me the results for a reward!
Foot worship gone bad
LEWISBURG, HAWAII
Mistress Andrea Spanxx, 24, was left shaken and alarmed after a submissive man, Michael Donovan, 19, grabbed hold of her feet and refused to let go during a foot worship scene gone wrong.
Ashely Kraven, 22, watched as the scene went down. “It got weird fast. Most of us had been staying away from the guy because he seemed nervous and creepy. Once he got Andrea’s boots off, he started screaming ‘they’re mine, they’re mine’ and was screaming something about cutting her feet off and putting them in a shrine.”
Cliff Orsen, the organizer of the foot party said he has never had something like this occur before. “Foot fetishists can be a little odd, but usually not dangerous. We do background checks on the guests. We are looking into how this guy slipped through out screening.”
“I know something was wrong when he wouldn’t let go,” Andrea said, “that doesn’t usually happen.”
Photo credit: Alain-Christian CC: NC SA
Article: http://www.thedailyflogger.com/submissive-man-banned-following-foot-worship-gone-awry/
Mistress Andrea Spanxx, 24, was left shaken and alarmed after a submissive man, Michael Donovan, 19, grabbed hold of her feet and refused to let go during a foot worship scene gone wrong.
Ashely Kraven, 22, watched as the scene went down. “It got weird fast. Most of us had been staying away from the guy because he seemed nervous and creepy. Once he got Andrea’s boots off, he started screaming ‘they’re mine, they’re mine’ and was screaming something about cutting her feet off and putting them in a shrine.”
Cliff Orsen, the organizer of the foot party said he has never had something like this occur before. “Foot fetishists can be a little odd, but usually not dangerous. We do background checks on the guests. We are looking into how this guy slipped through out screening.”
“I know something was wrong when he wouldn’t let go,” Andrea said, “that doesn’t usually happen.”
Photo credit: Alain-Christian CC: NC SA
Article: http://www.thedailyflogger.com/submissive-man-banned-following-foot-worship-gone-awry/
Wishlist mania -- shop for me please!
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ID in the lifestyle? BDSM
We usually choose from some of these archetypes:
Kinky (both all encompassing and at the same time not)
Dom / Sub, Switch
Top / Bottom, Switch
Master / Slave or Owner / Property
Sadist / Masochist, Sadomasochist,
Het, Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transsexual
Littles - Daddy / Mommy – Little Girl / Little Boy
Daddy / girl or boy - but Not Littles
Animals / Trainers – Pony, pups, kittens, etc
We further identify by what we do from all the associated fetishes such as:
BD – Bondage and Discipline
DS - Domance, Submission
SM – Sadism, Masochism
Exhibitionism
Leather
Rope
Steel Restraints
Cages
Needles
Rubber
Latex
Uniforms
Poly
Cigars
Maids
Foot Fetish
** A 1990 Kinsey Institute report stated that 5% to 10% of Americans occasionally engage in sexual activities related to BDSM.
You're not alone! Call me and let's explore!
Kinky (both all encompassing and at the same time not)
Dom / Sub, Switch
Top / Bottom, Switch
Master / Slave or Owner / Property
Sadist / Masochist, Sadomasochist,
Het, Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transsexual
Littles - Daddy / Mommy – Little Girl / Little Boy
Daddy / girl or boy - but Not Littles
Animals / Trainers – Pony, pups, kittens, etc
We further identify by what we do from all the associated fetishes such as:
BD – Bondage and Discipline
DS - Domance, Submission
SM – Sadism, Masochism
Exhibitionism
Leather
Rope
Steel Restraints
Cages
Needles
Rubber
Latex
Uniforms
Poly
Cigars
Maids
Foot Fetish
** A 1990 Kinsey Institute report stated that 5% to 10% of Americans occasionally engage in sexual activities related to BDSM.
You're not alone! Call me and let's explore!
50 shades of *gagging noise*
Glad I'm not the only that thinks this way...
Garbage.
1) "Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free."
2) "Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin."
3) "He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez."
4) “I line up the white ball and with a swift clean stroke, hit the center ball of the triangle square on with such force that a striped ball spins and plunges into the top right pocket. I’ve scattered the rest of the balls.”
5) “Don’t you like the butt drawer?”
6) “Argon? It rings a distant bell from chemistry class—an element, I think.”
7) “I sit up and reach for the orange juice, drinking it down too quickly. It’s delicious, ice cold, and it makes my mouth a much better place.”
8) Christian: “Dr. Green is coming to sort you out…”
Ana: “Why?”
Christian: “Because I hate condoms
…” Ana: “It’s my body.”
Christian: “It’s mine, too.”
9) “He’s said such loving things today … But how long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me.”
10) “My subconscious looks on with approval, her normally pursed mouth smiling, and I am the supreme puppet master.”
spring thoughts
So ready for spring.
Bout to take a vacay.
Wish I could find some good red lipstick.
I've got Taylor Swift's "Red" stuck in my head
"I'm hoooome."
whatever happened to Miley anyhow...bit of a shame.
I mean I get it...she's finding her...but there's something to be said for this:
I mean the girl can sing.
Anyhow back to my randomness...
Other thoughts:
I'm tired of everyone being "down" I think we should start a positive movement!
I'm tired of everyone feeling "sick" I think we should start a health movement!
If you read this:I challenge you TODAY go outside, get some fresh air, hopefully sunshine and drink at least 50 ounces of water!
let me know you read this and/or did it and I'll send you a reward!
Bout to take a vacay.
Wish I could find some good red lipstick.
I've got Taylor Swift's "Red" stuck in my head
"I'm hoooome."
whatever happened to Miley anyhow...bit of a shame.
I mean I get it...she's finding her...but there's something to be said for this:
I mean the girl can sing.
Anyhow back to my randomness...
Other thoughts:
I'm tired of everyone being "down" I think we should start a positive movement!
I'm tired of everyone feeling "sick" I think we should start a health movement!
If you read this:I challenge you TODAY go outside, get some fresh air, hopefully sunshine and drink at least 50 ounces of water!
let me know you read this and/or did it and I'll send you a reward!
spring has sprung...
A day in the life of a Domme...
11:38 am: Woke up nice and early *grin*
11:40 Padded up the hall to the kitchen to find that dave the houseboy (my corn-fed-subbie-house boy that is around from time to time) had put on some java --wtg!
Begin taking calls on Niteflirt. Some go great, some are new callers. All are fun!
Had a new person decide to give up control -- signed a contract, working on putting him on a stricter, Mistress Approved Schedule!
Took a break about 7pm for dinner.
Last call of the night, a foot fetish call...hmmm now if someone was here to rub my feet!
It's good to be the Domme.
11:38 am: Woke up nice and early *grin*
11:40 Padded up the hall to the kitchen to find that dave the houseboy (my corn-fed-subbie-house boy that is around from time to time) had put on some java --wtg!
Begin taking calls on Niteflirt. Some go great, some are new callers. All are fun!
Had a new person decide to give up control -- signed a contract, working on putting him on a stricter, Mistress Approved Schedule!
Took a break about 7pm for dinner.
Last call of the night, a foot fetish call...hmmm now if someone was here to rub my feet!
It's good to be the Domme.
BDSM is good for you.
Bondage. It’s the new therapy.
According to science, chains and whips not only excite you; they’re also excellent for relieving stress.
Bondage is definitely having a moment, mostly thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey – coming to a cinema near you on Valentine’s Day.
And science is out to prove that a little spanking can be good for the soul, claiming some forms of BDSM may have anti-anxiety effects, as well as other mental health benefits.
A recent article by Roni Jacobson in New York Magazine investigated the positive links between BDSM and anxiety levels.
50 shades 2
Let me relax you
One woman who practices Shibari, a form of Japanese rope bondage, told Jacobson: ‘I do a lot of yoga and meditation. I think rope can have the same effect. When you’re tied up it’s like you’re not responsible for anything else that happens and there’s a sense of freedom in that. It’s one of the few moments where I don’t have to worry about all of my responsibilities.’
Another 22-year-old Shibari model called Gorgone agreed: ‘It’s presence. It feels like an opportunity to completely let go and to be completely present at the same time.’
‘There’s a certain release from anxiety you get from it,’ she added.
Several studies have backed up the theory. One such study has suggested that the reduction in stress experienced during bondage might be explained by how it affects the brain.
The pain experienced during bondage causes blood to flow away from the brain to the parts of the body affected. This means less blood-flow to the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that regulates memory and executive control. This leads to a feeling of oneness, of calm.
Other research has suggested that those who like to indulge in BDSM are typically already less neurotic than those who prefer more traditional ‘vanilla’ sex.
We wonder if watching Jamie Dornan in 50 Shades 32,476 times has a similar effect on your stress levels? Probably can’t hurt.
Mr Grey will see you now.
taken from here: http://metro.co.uk/2015/02/06/bondage-is-good-for-relieving-stress-says-science-5051889/
the more you know.
According to science, chains and whips not only excite you; they’re also excellent for relieving stress.
Bondage is definitely having a moment, mostly thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey – coming to a cinema near you on Valentine’s Day.
And science is out to prove that a little spanking can be good for the soul, claiming some forms of BDSM may have anti-anxiety effects, as well as other mental health benefits.
A recent article by Roni Jacobson in New York Magazine investigated the positive links between BDSM and anxiety levels.
50 shades 2
Let me relax you
One woman who practices Shibari, a form of Japanese rope bondage, told Jacobson: ‘I do a lot of yoga and meditation. I think rope can have the same effect. When you’re tied up it’s like you’re not responsible for anything else that happens and there’s a sense of freedom in that. It’s one of the few moments where I don’t have to worry about all of my responsibilities.’
Another 22-year-old Shibari model called Gorgone agreed: ‘It’s presence. It feels like an opportunity to completely let go and to be completely present at the same time.’
‘There’s a certain release from anxiety you get from it,’ she added.
Several studies have backed up the theory. One such study has suggested that the reduction in stress experienced during bondage might be explained by how it affects the brain.
The pain experienced during bondage causes blood to flow away from the brain to the parts of the body affected. This means less blood-flow to the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that regulates memory and executive control. This leads to a feeling of oneness, of calm.
Other research has suggested that those who like to indulge in BDSM are typically already less neurotic than those who prefer more traditional ‘vanilla’ sex.
We wonder if watching Jamie Dornan in 50 Shades 32,476 times has a similar effect on your stress levels? Probably can’t hurt.
Mr Grey will see you now.
taken from here: http://metro.co.uk/2015/02/06/bondage-is-good-for-relieving-stress-says-science-5051889/
the more you know.
treat your Goddess
I'd like to start making soap: would love a gift card from here:
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send it to mistressdj@gmail.com
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Amazon list....
or:
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mistressdj@gmail.com
http://amzn.com/w/2596Q3QTJMOEL
Amazon list....
or:
A quick and easy way to send $25 Amazon Card:
The Gain from Pain --why BDSM can be good for you!
Sadomasochism, or sexual enjoyment from giving or receiving pain, may be a meditative experience and in some cases may lead to an altered state of consciousness, new research suggests.
Consensual sadomasochism was long considered pathological, but psychologists studying people interested in BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) have failed to find evidence that these sexual practices are harmful. One study, published in May 2013, actually found that practitioners of BDSM were better off than the general population in some ways, including having secure relationships and lower anxiety. Currently, the psychiatrists' definitive handbook, the DSM-5, lists BDSM as a paraphilia, or unusual sexual fixation, but only classifies it as a disorder if it causes harm.
If sadomasochism is not a pathology as once believed, the question is why some people engage in these painful sexual behaviors, said James Ambler, a graduate student in psychology at Northern Illinois University.
"It seems, on the surface, very paradoxical," Ambler told Live Science. [Hot Stuff? 10 Unusual Sexual Fixations]
The gain from pain
To find out, Ambler recruited "switches," or people in the SM community who like both receiving pain and giving pain. Fourteen switches, 10 of whom were women, agreed to be assigned one of those two roles for the night by roll of the die.
Before and after their sexual experience, the volunteers completed a cognitive test called the Stroop task, in which they saw a word for a color written in a color other than what the word said ("blue" written in red, for example). It's hard for the brain to read the word correctly when the color of the letters clashes with the meaning, making this a widely used test of cognitive abilities. The volunteers also filled out questionnaires about their feelings of "flow" during the sadomasochistic experience. Flow is a state of focus and enjoyment that people feel when fully immersed in a task.
The results showed that people playing the pain-receiving role showed poorer Stroop task scores, which are seen with short-term reductions of functions in a part of the brain called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortexAmbler said. This region is linked to executive control, working memory and other higher-level functions.
The pain that comes with sadomasochistic sex may cause the brain to shunt blood flow away from this region, causing a subjectively altered state of consciousness — and the appeal of SM, Ambler said.
"Part of the reason these SM activities may be so extreme, at some level, is that they're particularly effective at causing the brain to change its distribution of blood flow," he said. [51 Sultry Facts About Sex]
People on the giving end of the pain got benefits, too. Both sides of the equation reported similar levels of flow during their sexual "scene."
Spiritual, not sexual
The findings hint that sadomasochism isn't entirely about sex. A second study, conducted by Ellen Lee, a graduate student in psychology at Northern Illinois University, with her advisor, Brad Sagarin, and their BDSM Research Team, focused on a nonsexual — but very painful — ritual performed by some in the community.
Called the "Dance of Souls," this ritual involves people getting temporary skin piercings, through which hooks attached to ropes are placed. The ropes of one person are connected to those on others in the group or to a fixed object and are pulled taut as music or drums are played. These events are also known as "energy pulls" and are seen as primarily spiritual, not sexual, Sagarin told Live Science.
The researchers surveyed 22 participants in one of these rituals at a kink community conference in California. Five participants who were hooked agreed to participate, as well as nine supporters (who make sure group members are OK during the ritual) and eight observers. The participants filled out surveys about their stress, emotions, flow and the extent to which they felt their own selves overlapped with others at the event. They also gave saliva samples to test their cortisol, a hormone that spikes during stress.
Unsurprisingly, given the pain, cortisol levels went up during the ritual. But something odd happened: Participants reported feeling less stressed.
"We see this interesting disconnect," Sagarin said. "We think this may be indicative of the types of altered states of consciousness people might be seeking."
The effect might not be so different from what people experience when they push their bodies during yoga, or even during meditation, he said. People who complete the energy pull ritual also report feeling more connected to others, he added.
The brain effects Ambler found might provide an explanation. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is responsible, in part, for distinguishing self from other, he said. If less blood flows to the brain during these intensely painful experiences, the result may be a feeling of oneness.
The researchers hope that future research will involve closer, minute-by-minute monitoring of participants to delve into how the physiological and the psychological are linked. The findings are interesting both because they illuminate that link and because sadomasochism may not be quite as fringe as psychologists once thought, the researchers said.
"Research would suggest that a substantial minority of people do either fantasize or participate in these activities," Sagarin said. "There is relevance to it in terms of the number of people either directly or indirectly involved."
The researchers presented their findings last week at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in Austin, Texas.
The researchers surveyed 22 participants in one of these rituals at a kink community conference in California. Five participants who were hooked agreed to participate, as well as nine supporters (who make sure group members are OK during the ritual) and eight observers. The participants filled out surveys about their stress, emotions, flow and the extent to which they felt their own selves overlapped with others at the event. They also gave saliva samples to test their cortisol, a hormone that spikes during stress.
Unsurprisingly, given the pain, cortisol levels went up during the ritual. But something odd happened: Participants reported feeling less stressed.
"We see this interesting disconnect," Sagarin said. "We think this may be indicative of the types of altered states of consciousness people might be seeking."
The effect might not be so different from what people experience when they push their bodies during yoga, or even during meditation, he said. People who complete the energy pull ritual also report feeling more connected to others, he added.
The brain effects Ambler found might provide an explanation. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is responsible, in part, for distinguishing self from other, he said. If less blood flows to the brain during these intensely painful experiences, the result may be a feeling of oneness.
The researchers hope that future research will involve closer, minute-by-minute monitoring of participants to delve into how the physiological and the psychological are linked. The findings are interesting both because they illuminate that link and because sadomasochism may not be quite as fringe as psychologists once thought, the researchers said.
"Research would suggest that a substantial minority of people do either fantasize or participate in these activities," Sagarin said. "There is relevance to it in terms of the number of people either directly or indirectly involved."
The researchers presented their findings last week at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in Austin, Texas.
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