Showing posts with label REAL BDSM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label REAL BDSM. Show all posts

Corona / Covid how are you faring?

from people becoming ill to state lock downs...
from having to wear a mask to shortages on staples...
It's a struggle, many of ya'll have suffered from this...
For the month of September I will be offering 50% off goodies IF you mention you saw this on my blog (shoot me a note, and I will give you the discounted price) AND...the holiday line will be the COVID line at a discounted rate through September 30th!

Denial.


Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is sometimes associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied party.<br><br>

Orgasm denial practices can allow dominant lovers to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their submissive lovers' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Dominant lovers can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Submissive lovers can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualized objectification and erotic loss of control.<br><br>

Orgasm denial as a way of orgasm control is a widely practiced activity within erotic feminization. The top will often deny the submissive (BDSM) sexual release to maintain his heightened state of sexual arousal, as a way to satisfy his desires for erotic humiliation, or as a way to satisfy the dominant's own desires to erotically humiliate.<br><br>

Short-term denial practices Tease and denial


Tease and denial describes a situation where a person's genitals are stimulated until he/she is close to the point at which orgasm would normally be inevitable. At that point, direct stimulation of the genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to keep the recipient on the very brink or “edge” of orgasm (as with orgasm control) but without the promise of orgasm at the end. If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a “ruined orgasm,” as opposed to being a “denied orgasm,” (sometimes known as “blue balls”). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction (“blocked orgasm”). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.



the importance of aftercare.

All scenes, no matter what their focus is, should include some kind of aftercare component. In its most basic form, aftercare can be thought of as the willingness to support your partner after a play session to ensure return to an everyday state of mental and emotional equilibrium (Dexter, 2012). This time is used to provide comfort and support to both players. It signals to both parties that they are valued and appreciated (A Submissive's Journey, 2013) and is one of the distinctions between engaging in BDSM and abuse (Peyton, 2013).

BDSM scenes, no matter where they range from pain causing elements to mental power exchanges, can change a person's headspace and include a certain high caused by endorphins flooding the blood stream (Fox, 2012). These endorphins are joined by other neurotransmitters such as dopamine. As endorphins inhibit the pain receptors, the brain floods with dopamine which activates the reward center and fills you with euphoria. When the dopamine levels subside in the brain, a neurochemical called prolactin is released. Research has shown that prolactin is a stress hormone that keeps the dopamine levels in your brain in check; this neurochemical has been linked to feelings of depression and alienation (SirReal, 2007). It is easily understandable why coming from this high can cause some players to feel emotional and in need of some type of support, physical or otherwise (BedroomBondage, 2013). Engaging in aftercare can strongly increase the intimacy between two players and while often geared towards the bottom, it benefits the top as well (Peyton , 2013).

Regrettably when people first get into kink, and sometimes even with experienced players, aftercare is not something that is discussed or done. You may also be without a reliable play partner or perhaps playing with someone at a public event and this aspect is overlooked. Aftercare may also be overlooked if playing with an online partner (Abode, 2013). In case of emergencies, it is good to have your own aftercare kit (lunaKM, 2009).

If you need to do your own aftercare be sure to take care of your immediate physical concerns and treat any injuries. You may wish to clean up a bit, use the bathroom, change into more comfortable clothes. Once this is taken care of, be sure to have a bite to eat and some water. Foods chosen should help give you a boost and rebalance your hormones; good choices could include: chocolate, fruit juice, energy bars, fresh or dried fruit, nuts, herbal tea or hot chocolate (Abode, 2013).

After this initial phase, ensure that you have a safe way home, presuming you are not home already. If you are unsure if you are driving after half an hour, check your pupils in the mirror to see if they are highly dilated. If you are still feeling out of it, consider calling a friend or a taxi to get home. When you get home ensure to stay hydrated and stay warm. You can try some yoga or stretching. If you are feeling social, meet up with some friends (Abode, 2013).

It can be helpful to take a good dose of vitamins after play to help promote healing and reduce any lingering negative emotions (Abode, 2013). This can be a helpful alternative to having someone to cuddle with, it will not be the same but it can help.

Why Have an Aftercare Kit?

Aftercare is an important part of seeing to the physical, mental, and emotional health of you and your play partner. When you are packing up your kink toys, it is easy to have an aftercare kit ready to go. This is a great idea because it ensures you will have what you are likely to need no matter where you are. It also shows your partner that you are thinking ahead and ensuring safe play.

What Should Be In Your Aftercare Kit?

You should tailor this pack to the type of play you are engaging in or your play partner as different items may be needed. There are some items that you may wish to consistently keep in your kit as they will always be applicable such as a blanket or first aid kit. Some suggestions of things that you might wish to consider placing in your pack:

Small snack - It is common for people to get hungry after the release of endorphins. Someone's blood sugar may drop during play as well so it is always a good idea to have something for you or your partner to munch on afterward. It can also help return someone to a everyday world state of mind by grounding them.

Water/sports drink bottle - You or your partner may get dehydrated during the play session. Staying hydrated is an important part of being safe during a play scene.

Ice/Heat pack - Ice packs can be used to cool down and reduce bruising by applying them to the impact area. You may also want a heat pack for any potential injuries

First Aid supplies - Always a good idea to have a first aid kit on hand

Blanket/bathrobe - It can be common for people to feel cold after the endorphins of the play session ebb.

Change of warm, comfortable clothes - After an intense play session, you or your partner may wish to relax in something warm and comfortable. It can also be more comfortable to cuddle.

Warm socks - To ensure you or your partner remains warm enough

Sterilization/wet wipes - Depending on type of play you do, these can be great for quick clean up.

Incense/scented candles - A calming and soothing scent can add to creating a relaxing aftercare environment

Journal - You or your partner may wish to record feelings or thoughts of what went well or things that can be improved.

Stuffed animal - If you or your partner wants one for comfort

Vitamin E/K cream or Arnica gel - These creams can be used to reduce existing bruises after impact play

Tube of heparinoid - Found in first aid sections and has several brand names. Used to increase blood flow and reduce bruising and inflammation from occurring

Customize Your Kit

What you choose to include in your aftercare kit should be dependent on the type of play that you and your partner typically engage in as well as the aftercare needs of your partner. There is more than one way to carry out aftercare and you should discuss what will make you and your partner the most comfortable.

when you wish....you were "one of the cool kids"





Realize instead that:

Challenge for the new year:

Be happy in your own skin!

1. Get real.

Do the work to get clear about who you are—not just who you routinely consider yourself to be, the person you habitually show the world—but who you are in the deepest recesses of your authentic heart and soul.
The word “authenticity” is misunderstood sometimes. People think of it as a virtue, like honesty . . . like you owe the world your authenticity and you should feel bad if you’re not authentic. That’s not the case. I’m not suggesting you should become more authentic because it will make you a better person—you already are a phenomenal person. I’m telling you that becoming more authentic is your golden ticket—to joy, to success, to vibrant health and energy, to easily manifesting the life of your dreams. It’s every bit that transformative. You’re not doing this to better serve the world; you’re doing it to better serve you. But—happy bonus!—it happens to be the best way to serve your loved ones and the world as well.

2. Adore YOU.

If you’ve been on a personal development path for a while, I’m probably not the first to suggest that you need to love yourself. But I’m surprised to discover how often my students don’t really seem to know why I’m so insistent on that point. Are you tired of hearing about how you need to love yourself more? Does the thought of it feel kind of like of a burden—one more thing to check off your To-Do list? Does the whole concept feel a bit worn-out and cliché? Maybe you just need to understand what’s in it for you. Self-love is the fastest route to literally anything you want right now. Money, love, health, romance . . . it all hinges on your level of self-love. The circumstances of your life are always providing you a crystal-clear, precisely accurate measure of how much you love yourself and what you believe you deserve. All you can ever create is what you believe you’re worthy of experiencing. It’s an immutable energetic law. That’s why elevating self-love is the not-so-secret path to elevating everything else.

3. Trust your wants.

Stop trying to justify and rationalize your most heartfelt desires. Your desires are the clearest indicator of who you are. Denying them is denying you. No one needs to understand why you want what you want. You don’t even need to understand it yourself. Just trust it, and trust yourself to manifest it. The reason you don’t already have everything you want is crazy-simple. You don’t love yourself enough yet to deeply believe that you deserve everything you want. My students argue that sometimes, but they always discover it’s true. You might even believe, on a conscious level, that you do deserve a certain thing, but I promise you that if you were fully, wholly believing you deserved it—even in the cobwebby corners of your unconscious belief system—it would already be in your life.

4. Stop trying to vanquish the “bad stuff.”

And stop whining about it, too. Celebrate our unwanted circumstances because there’s so much valuable information for us in them. Get clear on why your unwanted circumstances are here and why you created them. Then use them as a springboard. Once you can start genuinely thanking “the bad stuff”, it’s pretty easy to move past it.

5. Take responsibility.

Own every last drop of everything you’ve ever created. We’re so conditioned to blame our unwanted circumstances on other people, or on the “system” or the world . . . What if it’s really all within your control? Taking full responsibility for the life you’ve created for yourself and the life you’re in the process of creating is hugely empowering. But it requires first getting uber-honest to a degree that’s terrifying for most people. Don’t be “most people.” Understanding that you alone are holding the reins on your life is the first critical step toward learning how to operate them.

6. Stop tolerating.

Tolerating is slow emotional suicide. It sucks the life out of you, drains your energy, numbs you, depletes you, and keeps you immobilized. There’s no reason for you to ever tolerate anything. We sometimes confuse tolerating with accepting—we all know it’s good to accept the things we can’t change, right? If we make very clear distinctions between what can be changed and what can’t, then it’s astounding the kinds of life-altering adjustments people are able to easily, joyfully make when they understand the underlying reasons they’ve been tolerating things.

7. Get out of the spin cycle.

Where in your life are you on autopilot, creating the same situation for yourself (in essence) over and over again? Maybe you keep dating the same romantic partner. Maybe the current model is better looking, or more successful, or slightly more open than the one before, but in essence you’re with a lover who triggers your tried-and-true insecurities, defense mechanisms, and familiar unhealthy spirals. Or maybe you find yourself in the same employment dynamic over and over again—even if you change careers completely. Maybe you’ve attracted a series of supervisors, or a series of friends, who stir up the not-good-enough feelings a parent invoked for you as a child. Escape the spin cycle by learning how to look closely at how these patterns develop and how to benefit from the opportunities they offer.

8. Permanently shift your beliefs.

Focus on the deliberate rewiring of your belief system because your beliefs are determining everything you experience as your reality. That’s not New-Age speak anymore; it’s common knowledge. It’s why researchers always have to use placebo control groups whenever they test any drug. If they don’t have a group taking a sugar pill, their findings won’t be considered valid by the agencies that govern pharmaceuticals. In pain-control experiments, when a new pain pill is tested, fully half of the sufferers who are given a placebo will report having less pain. The mind is that powerful and the scientific community knows it. Changing your mind will change your life. Many of your limiting beliefs are not unique to you; our culture suffers from a long-standing epidemic of crappy shared beliefs. Most of us, at some level, harbor the same fears, the same tragic self-doubts, and the same profound longings to be liberated from our self-made prisons. In our outer circumstances, we may vary greatly, but at deeper levels, this is seldom the case. If you aren’t living the precisely blissful, richly textured life you crave, take the steps to discover which of your beliefs are keeping you from it and what you can do about that.

9. Dream loudly.

Stop limiting yourself according to what seems practical. Practical goals do not inspire enough passion to propel you toward their certain fruition. As John F. Kennedy wisely surmised, “The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were.” Be those men (and women.).

10. Live passionately.

Once you’ve done the self-examination work to uncover your most delicious desires, don’t pussyfoot toward them. Hurl yourself recklessly in their direction! Trust that the Universe wildly adores you and is always orchestrating on your behalf. It’s been waiting for you to get pumped and grow a pair so that it could swoop in with divine assistance that will leave you breathless.

The power of positive thinking.



If you put out into the world that the tax plan by 45 is catastrophic, that times are tough, that business is slow across the board...then you will reap something lacking in luster -- on the contrary if you put out a successful mindset, positivity, helpful and willingness to pull others up too...guess what is going to happen..

Every. Fucking. Time.

Try it...21 days (how long it takes to make a new habit) Show gratitude, show a positive outlook, do proactive things to better your situation...21 days...without fail. YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE

SSC safe sane consensual

Where 50 shades went really really wrong.

Consent:

Christian consistently forces and manipulates consent out of the innocent, young, virginal Anna. In one scene Christian uses alcohol to gain consent out of Anna. There is nothing ethical about drawing consent out of someone that is not sober. Christian gains consent out of Anna by playing on her fear of losing him when he presents her with a contract that she either has to sign or get out of his life. That is not true consent and there is no room for negotiation. When we manipulate what we desire by pushing on the fear of loss or making it about “if you really cared about me….you would do this or that” we are forcing consent.

In a healthy Bd/Sm relationship consent is either given out of a place of safety and desire or not. An experienced ethical Dominant in the Bd/Sm scene would never force consent unless that was a game that the partners were playing called “Consensual Non Consent” when the players consent to “being forced”. Consent is a big deal in the Bd/Sm community and Christian never took the workshop! There is nothing more shunned in Bd/Sm Community than forcing or manipulating consent except perhaps a violation of ignoring “Safe Words” and Christian does that too.

Safe Words:

In healthy, safe, sane and consensual Bd/Sm “Safe Words” are holy. They allow the “submissive” to communicate with the Dominate in a very direct way. “Red” means stop. “Yellow” means slow down. Of course any words can be chosen and agreed upon. And here is the golden rule. When a submissive or Dominant says “Red” it means HARD STOP. Christian not only ignored Anna’s safe word in one scene but he expressed anger at her need to hold her own boundaries. That is sexual abuse and assault. That is not Bd/Sm. Submissive’s may withdraw their consent at any time. In Fifty Shades, Anna actually begins to hide things from Christian out of fear of his jealousy and anger. To me, this is fifty shades of an abusive, dysfunctional relationship that has very little to do with Bd/Sm.

After Care:

Bd/Sm can be an intense experience for both the Dominant and the submissive. After some intense play “after care” which can include holding, cuddling, processing, and quiet time together is very important. Christian in more than one scene denies after care to Anna.

So what is the take away here? I think that Bd/Sm is powerful, delicious and sexy! And perhaps learning the “Rules of the Game” from a novel may not be the best step! There are fabulous “How to” books out there like “The Topping Book” and “The Bottoming Book” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. There are workshops and conferences where you can learn “the ropes”! There are even private sessions available by professionals that teach and offer these experiences one on one or with couples.

If Fifty Shades of Grey turned you on; then great! It certainly exposed a great many people to what is possible in the world of kink. And let’s face it – some of the scenes are very sexy. But it’s fiction and not a very good template or role model for any “Dom” wanna be, or “Submissive” interesting in exploring the world of Bd/Sm.

http://betterafter50.com/2014/08/whats-wrong-with-fifty-shades-of-grey/

ID in the lifestyle? BDSM

We usually choose from some of these archetypes:

Kinky (both all encompassing and at the same time not)

Dom / Sub, Switch

Top / Bottom, Switch

Master / Slave or Owner / Property

Sadist / Masochist, Sadomasochist,

Het, Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transsexual

Littles - Daddy / Mommy – Little Girl / Little Boy

Daddy / girl or boy - but Not Littles

Animals / Trainers – Pony, pups, kittens, etc

We further identify by what we do from all the associated fetishes such as:

BD – Bondage and Discipline
DS - Domance, Submission
SM – Sadism, Masochism


Exhibitionism

Leather

Rope

Steel Restraints

Cages

Needles

Rubber

Latex

Uniforms

Poly

Cigars

Maids

Foot Fetish

** A 1990 Kinsey Institute report stated that 5% to 10% of Americans occasionally engage in sexual activities related to BDSM.

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50 shades of *gagging noise*



Glad I'm not the only that thinks this way...

Garbage.

1) "Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free."

2) "Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin."
3) "He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez."

4) “I line up the white ball and with a swift clean stroke, hit the center ball of the triangle square on with such force that a striped ball spins and plunges into the top right pocket. I’ve scattered the rest of the balls.”

5) “Don’t you like the butt drawer?”

6) “Argon? It rings a distant bell from chemistry class—an element, I think.”

7) “I sit up and reach for the orange juice, drinking it down too quickly. It’s delicious, ice cold, and it makes my mouth a much better place.”

8) Christian: “Dr. Green is coming to sort you out…”
Ana: “Why?”
Christian: “Because I hate condoms
…” Ana: “It’s my body.”
Christian: “It’s mine, too.”

9) “He’s said such loving things today … But how long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me.”
10) “My subconscious looks on with approval, her normally pursed mouth smiling, and I am the supreme puppet master.”