What if you did submit?

Many of us live in a repressed world. We don’t feel safe enough to share our truest, deepest desires with each other. We keep certain fantasies strictly to ourselves, hiding them where no one else is allowed to look. These desires are not allowed into the light — they’re our secret shame, our darkness denied. But privately they remain very rich and real to us. What if you could explore some of those fantasies though? I know you can’t, but what if? What if you could connect with a willing partner where there was such a deep and powerful bond of trust, that you could share more of yourself than you thought possible? What if this connection was so intimate, that sharing with another simply felt like circulating a thought within your own mind? No walls. No secrets. What if you could allow this person into the dark places of your imagination, the parts that have been shamed as sinful, dirty, naughty — labels that imply wrongness and immorality just for thinking about these possibilities, let alone acting on them?

Corona / Covid how are you faring?

from people becoming ill to state lock downs...
from having to wear a mask to shortages on staples...
It's a struggle, many of ya'll have suffered from this...
For the month of September I will be offering 50% off goodies IF you mention you saw this on my blog (shoot me a note, and I will give you the discounted price) AND...the holiday line will be the COVID line at a discounted rate through September 30th!

First to clock in and the last to leave....

a good motivational piece of music to get er done!! ENJOY!

Podcast!

In case you didn't know. I have a podcast! There will be throwback audios, interviews, commentaries and fun!!

Go listen!

oooh Holiday Line -- now with extra spooky?!?!

The Halloween Line is now open!!

flrt.me/SpookyDJ

a beautiful sentiment from M

5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom

Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to help submissives understand their role, and isn't more than a faux pas. During interactions with your Dominant, it's a lesson to know that you can't control what is going on. Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. Examples of this could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. Generally, it is frowned upon to try to force the Dominant's hand to do something they do not wish to do.

1. You contradict the decision of your dominant.

If you try to change his or her mind about the decision they have made, without a valid reason, you are topping from the bottom. Examples could range from trying to convince them to use a different toy because you don't like the one they are using, to asking them if they are sure they want to eat at Joe's Restaurant when you really want to eat at Donna's Cafe.

2. You ignore the request or command.

This one goes without saying, but pretending you didn't hear the request and just to carry on doing what you want to do is not appropriate. Acknowledge the request as soon as possible and follow out the command as best you can. You can always go back to what you were doing afterward. The dominant is expecting your service at all times, not just when you want to give it. Topping from the bottom can be non-verbal.

3. You ask "What is in it for me if I do x y z?"

Submission isn't about pleasing you directly. Being directed to do something from your Dominant is to please them, and as my Master always says, "Doing things for me should be your pleasure." Conditional submission is topping from the bottom and should not exist, you either submit or you don't. What you get in return is up to your Dominant. Negotiating this at the beginning of the relationship is critical.

4. You pull away from physical contact.

This is a tough one, but typically in a D/s relationship, you have given over control of your body to your Dominant. This means that if they wish to touch you, that is their right. Telling them with physical withdrawal that you do not wish to be touched is trying to force their decision to touch you. Removing yourself from the situation is topping from the bottom. Learn to accept the attention, no matter what it is; it could develop into a wonderfully intimate time between the two of you.

5. You say "no".*

As a submissive, you may hang on to the right to say no, but if the Dominant gives you a reasonable request and it is within your negotiated terms to do, then you shouldn't say no. Inconveniencing you isn't a valid excuse. Neither is I don't want to. Your Dominant has your better interests at heart, but also their desires. Perform the task and then feel good about it. What you just did may have enhanced your relationship, or you just refreshed their coffee. Either way, life is good.

* No is an important word in a D/s relationship, but one that shouldn't be abused. Just like safewords, this word is only to be used in non-negotiated situations or when something needs to be cleared up first. Remember: use sparingly.

Resource: https://submissiveguide.com

Giving back what was once given to me (refresher course in DJology)

Ok cliff notes version for those of you that have been contemplating the lint in your navels.

Long ago in a galaxy far far away....oh wait...

So...started Pro Domming in college - in Reno yadda yadda..took over a retiring Domme's client list (well, half of it anyhow…)

I'm puttering along...and go to a nerd con (I really want to say it was a Star Wars themed thing, but sadly it wan't) It was Comic-Con in San Diego...Long story short I was wearing body paint (I was a Zabrak, hatin' is bad.) If you don't know what a Zabrak is...there's the door.

Anywho one thing leads to another and Phantom enters the picture (we were actually NOT on site at the con but instead at a diner playing Wizards of the Coast - Star Wars rpg) As you all know He was the one that helped me hone my skills as  Pro Domme and online as well -He was my Master. He had me make recordings before it was really a "thing" -- but I digress...Under His guidance I became a better ProDomme as I learned to give the things I'd experienced or pass along what I'd learned...

Fast forward to today.
There are a few of you...that I can really rattle your cages...
I have you to where you don't know if you're coming or going....

to that I say good and welcome to the Dark Side....

It's an honor to be able to pass along 5% of what I was given.

Yes my degree is in Accounting. I am truly a nerd...

If you want to learn something about BDSM I may or may not have the answers...but I will help you find them...

If I think a different Domme would better suit you? I'll be directing you that way.

Giving back what was once given to me.

Likes:
coffee, horror novels, scary movies, stuffed animals, Thai Food, bellydancing, country music,
cheese, white chocolate, Star Wars (only the DarkSide! I keed I keed)

Dislikes:
mean people, thunderstorms, being cold, peas, lima beans, liver, hockey, dishonesty, alcohol (upsets my stomach), drama

I guess if you wanna know something - ask.

Are you really a submissive / potential pet or slave or is it just masturbation fodder?

Are you really capable of putting My needs before every single one of your own?

To think about how a situation will affect Me before how it affects you? "Will this be pleasing to DJ?" – That is what true submission looks like.

You have to want to do anything and everything, under any circumstance, wherever, whenever it is asked or demanded of you, to please Me. I must always come first. Whatever I ask of you, you must do without question, (of course contractual agreements and limits would be respected) but...could you do that?

If, despite and in spite of all the above, you still feel that it’s for you? You must always approach and interact with respect. Manners are very important – they show intelligence and sincerity as well. Stating your truth and what you're really seeking is key, answer questions from Me honestly --so we can better build our D/s bond Be yourself. Above all, be HONEST. If you lie, you’ll defeat the object of this endeavor.

Many guys twist the BDSM world for masturbation fodder, and I suppose that's ok -- but, you need to realize that fantasizing about serving Me (to get off essentially) and really putting in the work of a pet are two different things.

Dominatrix - a love song??

In a galaxy far...far....away.....

Sub fever - an original poem

you are:

Too hungry and over enthusiastic
Trying far too hard and too fast.
A taste was delivered, yet now you beg.
Do you believe you're deserving?
I understand. you need this.

Consider this your first lesson.
I craft a scene, in a room, on the phone; in your mind.
But the moment is fleeting.
Then disappears, as if it never happened.

Leaving you, fragile, with your desire.

Diagnosis: sub fever

Presciption: full submission

just a fun thing I did...forever a val...like you know?? fer sure!

Fun JOI / RP MP3 with me, the Valley girl leading the way!!

Like OMG fer sher!!! Just click on my pic!

...an experience with a Phone Mistress (by yours truly!)

Sexual Encounter-
It all began so simple - an ad for a phonesex company.
An image, a promotional blurb a resume of filth and of kink. A desire that was contained in her grey eyes - was that a wall of restraint or torturous gates keeping him out?
Then she sent him a text/sext--she commanded 'I want to talk to you'.. 'I want you to stroke for me'.. 'Isn't it time you gave up control?'..
His heart pounding so strongly was it fear or lust?
Imagining all of dark fantasies that had lingered for many years before....
Pictures imagined and expectations created...
He dialed the phone...igniting ignition for his rocket ship.
She answered with "Hello, who is this?"
She has everything prepared, like an exquisite execution of a blueprint. She needed no introduction...
he gave her a name...a name to be called with trembling and trepidation in his voice...
'Why are you shaking pet? ', 'Are you afraid? '
he cannot answer...between his raging erection and her low calm tone he's slipping under into subspace.
'I feel so funny...' he says, unable to formulate what he's feeling.
'That's normal, that's subspace...just savor it." the Mistress reassures.
She uses him as her play thing as long as she wishes...all night long. He wonders if it's sexually exciting for her too, but he dare not ask.
He is her slave for the moment. She can have him any way she could imagine.
He could spend hours between her legs; at her feet; at her whims.
'Get on your knees, pet and wait.'
She speaks of edging, of control and of chastity.
She explains as a pet nothing is his.
His cock, his time and his wallet are all hers to do with as she will.

It feels as if months had gone by in his mind until the next time he can speak to The One..
She asks him if he wants to stay, to live in her world forever? She gives him assignments to soothe his sub-frenzy... But before he can think to answer;  She has vanished...she now dwells deep in the recesses of his mind as well as his loins...


To be continued....

BDSM A to Z....the full composition

A is for Aftercare
Aftercare is the practice of checking in with one another after a scene (or “play session,” a.k.a., the time in which the BDSM happens) to make sure all parties feel nice and chill about what just went down. The dominant partner may bring the submissive ice for any bruises, but it’s important to know that aftercare involves emotional care as well as physical. BDSM releases endorphins, which can lead to both dominants and submissives experiencing a “drop.” Aftercare can help prevent that. There’s often cuddling and always conversation; kinksters need love too.

C is for CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
In BDSM, CBT does not refer to cognitive behavioral therapy, it refers to “cock and ball torture,” which is exactly what it sounds like: The dominant will bind, whip, or use their high-ass heels to step on their submissive’s cock and balls to consensually torture them.

D is for D/S
D/S refers to dominance and submission, the crux of a BDSM relationship. While kinky people can be on a spectrum (see: “Switch”), typically you’re either dominant or submissive. If you take away one fact from this guide, it should be that even though the dominant partner in D/S relationship may be slapping, name-calling, and spitting on the submissive, BDSM and D/S relationships are all about erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another. The submissive gets to set their boundaries, and everything is pre-negotiated. The submissive likes getting slapped (see also: “Painslut”).

E is for Edgeplay
Edgeplay refers to the risky shit—the more taboo (or baddest bitch, depending on who you’re talking to) end of the spectrum of BDSM activities. Everyone’s definition of edgeplay is a little different, but blood or knife play is a good example. If there’s actually a chance of real physical harm, it’s likely edgeplay. Only get bloody with a partner who knows what they’re doing without a doubt and has been tested for STIs. You don’t have to get maimed to enjoy BDSM.

F is for Fisting
Fisting is when someone sticks their entire fist inside a vagina (or butthole). Yes, it feels good, and no, it won’t “ruin” anything but your desire for vanilla sex. Use lube.

G is for Golden Showers
A golden shower is when you lovingly shower your partner with your piss. It’s high time for the BDSM community reclaimed this word back from silly #45, who, may I remind you, allegedly paid sex workers to pee on a bed that Obama slept in out of spite. This is not the same thing as a golden shower. Kink is for smart people.

H is for Hard Limits
Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss these boundaries before any BDSM play. Use it in a sentence: “Please do not pee on me; golden showers are one of my hard limits.”

I is for Impact Play
Impact play refers to any impact on the body, such as spanking, punching, smacking caning, flogging, slapping, etc.

J is for Japanese Bondage
The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari, in which one partner ties up the other in beautiful and intricate patterns using rope. It’s a method of restraint, but also an art form.

K is for Knife Play
Knife play is, well, knife sex. It’s considered a form of edgeplay (our parents told us not to play with knives for a reason.) If you do play with knives, do it with someone who truly respects you and whom you trust. Often knife play doesn’t actually involve drawing blood, but is done more for the psychological thrill, such as gliding a knife along a partner’s body to induce an adrenaline rush. Call me a prude, but I wouldn’t advise it on a first Tinder date.

L is for Leather
The BDSM community enjoys leather as much as you’d expect. Leather shorts, leather paddles, and leather corsets are popular, although increasingly kinky retailers provide vegan options for their animal-loving geeks.

M is for Masochist
A masochist is someone who gets off on receiving sexual pain.

N is for Needle Play
Also a form of edgeplay (blood!), needle play means using needles on a partner. Hopefully those needles are sterile and surgical grade. Don’t do this with an idiot, please. Most professional dommes have clients who request or are into needle play. It can involve sticking a needle (temporarily) through an erogenous zone such as the nipple or... BACK AWAY NOW IF YOU'RE QUEASY... the shaft of the penis.

O is for Orgasm Denial
You know how sexual anticipation is hot AF? Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for those who love a throbbing clit or a boner that’s been hard forever just dying to get off—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the brink of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as necessary.

P is for Painslut
A painslut is a dope-ass submissive who knows what they want, and that’s pain, dammit.

Q is for Queening
Queening is when a woman, a.k.a. the queen you must worship, sits on your face. It’s just a glam name for face-sitting, often used in D/S play. Sometimes the queen will sit on her submissive’s face for like, hours.

R is for RACK
RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which are the BDSM community guidelines on how to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to. Another set of guidelines are the “SSC,” which stresses keeping activities “safe, sane, and consensual.” We kinksters want everyone to feel happy and fulfilled, and only experience pain that they desire—without actual harm.

S is for Switch
A switch is someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role. Get thee a girl who can do both.

T is for Topping From The Bottom
Topping from the bottom refers to when a bottom (sub) gets bratty and tries to control the scene even though negotiations state they should submit. For example, a submissive male may start yelping at his domme that she’s not making him smell her feet exactly like he wants. It can be pretty annoying. It can also be part of the scene itself, such as if the submissive is roleplaying as a little girl with her daddy (this is called “age play”).

U is for Urination
Urinating means peeing (duh) and aside from pissing on a submissive’s face or in their mouth you can do other cool and consensual things with urine, like fill up an enema and inject it up someone’s butt! I am not a medical doctor.

V is for Vanilla
Vanilla refers to someone (or sex) that is not kinky. It’s okay if you’re vanilla. You’re normal and can still find meaningful love and relationships no matter how much society judges you.

W is for Wartenberg Wheel
A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used as part of medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured out it was good for the sex, too.

Y is for Yes!
BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”

Z is for Zentai
Zentai is a skintight Japanese body suit typically made of spandex and nylon. It can cover the entire body, including the face. Dance teams or athletes may wear Zentai, but some people get off on the sensation of having their entire body bound in tight fabric, and wear it for kinky reasons.

Leg Tease Metronome -- play along

Edging to a new level...

Edging refers to getting to the EDGE of cumming, a stroke or several away, and then staying there for a while. It goes by many names:
EDGING = staying on the EDGE of cuming (very different from "edge play" which also plays with breath to enhance arousal, but which literally rides the edge of asphyxiation to achieve this; not something I want to do or have done to me!)
PEAKING = staying at the peak of arousal;
BRINKING = staying on the BRINK of cumming;
TEETERING = teetering on the edge of cumming w/o falling (thanks in Melbourne);
PLATEAUING = cruising on the Western Prairie of BLISS;
VERGING = surfing on the edge of the Wave of BLISS;
ENDORPHING = ever so gently stroking your Erotic Handle to increase the flow of ENDORPHINS in your brain;
PROLONGED AROUSAL = staying AROUSED for a very long time;
MASTURBATION = doing ALL the above )
The key is
Be Mindful.
Pay attention to what you feel - Savor your feelings in ALL parts of your body. Don't focus only on your cock, but be aware of tingles in your feet, your back, your mind, and especially your perineum and prostate. Help your mind be aware of these by touching yourself in these places.

Most guys find that porn flicks or friction fiction is useful, if at all, only at the start of a session. After you get GOOD VIBRATIONS going all the way from your cockhead to your prostate, focus on these, savor them cultivate them. If you have other ideas, or porn thoughts, or even work ideas come into your head, just let them float across the screen of your consciousness, the surface of your meditative mind, and stay centered on your breathing, your body.

Consume the deliciousness of the tingles in your perineum, in your cock, as you pull your balls, twist your nipples. If something heightens your pleasure, just let it happen and focus on the deliciousness, letting thought of how it happened pass.

So try this...and let me know how it works!!

It's so nice to be appreciated...

So as ya'll know I was out with the flu (and this shit is no joke this year!!!) and while away many of you were generous -- sending some just because love my way -- some sent gifts from amazon -- some sent some really funny stuff!!!

this one from boofriend cracked me up!!

I may be bad...but I'm perfectly good at it.

Love is great, love is fine Out the box, out of line The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more 'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it Sticks and stones may break my bones But chains and whips excite me

This song was really pretty clever -- at least as far as being a pop cross over-- when it comes on the radio, I must say that I crack a smile at the horror of the vanillas.

when you're feeling like ginger but are really more mary-ann

Throwback but somedays so fitting!!!