JOI BDSM 101

First, I wrote an article on SimplySxy about a year ago:
https://simplysxy.com/articles/2018/07/08/what-to-know-about-joi/

During Jerkoff Instruction (JOI) a Domme (me) will tell and sometimes instruct a man how to masturbate. The instruction will usually tell men how hard or soft to jerk off, how rapid his strokes should be, and where and how firmly he should touch. 
There are two JOI: jerkoff encouragement (JOE) which is positive reinforcement helping a male to orgasm (think Pavlovian mentality with "good boys" included.), and jerkoff humiliation,  making the man feel dirty or ashamed of his arousal and desire to masturbate.
I do have a specific line for it here:

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Or you can request a custom (that will guide YOU specifically how to masturbate!)

an ode to a Dom/Domme

Ok, ode might be a bit of a stretch.

To those that dare take control of one whom no one knows what to do with...

To those that dare set boundaries and standards for those that typically answer to no one...

To those that educate themselves, not just in BDSM, but on the submissive themself....

To those that give reprieve in power exchange, only if for a few moments....

What You do is important. What You do matters, if to no one else? to the one who is submitting to You.

What You give, when you deliver this control over the sub or switch is relief. Relief of making decisions, relief of responsibility, relief of being in charge and even often sexual relief. Just like in typical D/s typically the sub is a strong person who is looking for this relief. To Top a switch is no different.

I personally have Dommed typical subs as well as switches and subbed as well.

I am from the school of thought that good Doms/Dommes have experienced the other end of the whip as it were (whether literal or in the receiving end of mind-fuckery.) This is simply because then when it's their turn to top, they know exactly what it feels like to experience what it is they are about to deliver.

So, to those Domming - my peers, those looking into D/s and yes even the One I answer to on occasion *said like only a bratty sub could* Being the Dom/Domme is so much more than whips and chains, so much more than sexual fulfillment or mental fuckery. You are bringing people peace of mind and the deepest of calm.

What we do matters. It isn't flippant, nor is it a game.

I challenge anyone reading this who Doms...to take them higher...






Communication is Key

So...what's your pleasure?


Please put what you or others consider "normal" from your mind! There are always going to be kink shamers that try to say these things are okay and these kinds aren’t. All this focus on what counts as normal, right, proper sex (and what isn't "okay") takes us from the route of what we might like to explore or what tweaks our tweak.
So the first step is to try to ignore all the things you’ve learned or believed/heard about ‘normal sex’ and all the things you've "heard" is "amazing sex" and focus on what YOU would actually like to do. That might include kink or at least kink as foreplay. 
People are into all different kinds of things. For example you might enjoy TPE/controlling another and never go near being submissive or impact play. Or vice versa. . Nobody should ever tell you that your motivations or preferences are any less valid that anyone else’s. One day you may find you want to be in charge and the next day on your knees.
Communicate it!

If you’re not sure what you’re into you can check out  kinky videos, erotic fiction, or various BDSM websites and see what gets your attention. Another idea is a yes, no, maybe list - of if things sound interesting. If you can't find a good one, I have one I will gladly send you to help you explore!
Preferences and desires often change over time, and with experience. You should re-examine your ideas/kinks from time to time. Some people write, and update, a kind of ‘user manual’ for themselves to give partners a longer explanation of how they – and their body – work. One particularly important thing to get across is any ‘hard limits’ (things that go beyond no interest but are a "hell no") and ‘triggers’ (things that will upset/cause a reaction in you) you’re aware of so that partners know what they really shouldn't do or say.
Safewords are a good idea - traditional BDSM uses Red, Yellow and Green...during a check in green, like a stoplight is "all good." Yellow meaning this is on the edge of limitations and Red is a "safeword" or "STOP"
However, with your partner you can come up with your own terminology where if something is new or if something is...as with the One I answer to a "no no" (meaning it isn't going to happen under any circumstances - a beyond negotiable hard limit) 
The absolutely key thing with all of this is to create conditions under which whatever you do is most likely to be consensual for all concerned. Speak up! "I'd like to try this..." Or "I'd like it if you did this to me." If the session is virtual (most of our worlds are at a minimum partially virtual.) "I'd like to feel this way." "It would be great if you could do this for me." (Examples might be guided masturbation, setting up a schedule for a sub, or even a session of no holds-barred kinky talk.)
Main thing is communicate! Whether with a vanilla partner or with your Dom/me or sub, no one reads minds. Convey what you're thinking and what you'd like (you'll be surprised!) If they are your partner, they are going to want you pleased/to feel good (yes even Dom/mes like when they deliver pleasure.)
Hope that helps! Now go communicate!



Haikus by me



She is like sunrise; beckoning you to serve her as the day begins.




Cancerian child Waiting for the moon to rise I whisper "hurry"



Horizon set eyes; Forward the only option Gratitude the fuel...





She is like nightfall; Her darkness is in contrast to Her radiance.