Ok, ode might be a bit of a stretch.
To those that dare take control of one whom no one knows what to do with...
To those that dare set boundaries and standards for those that typically answer to no one...
To those that educate themselves, not just in BDSM, but on the submissive themself....
To those that give reprieve in power exchange, only if for a few moments....
What You do is important. What You do matters, if to no one else? to the one who is submitting to You.
What You give, when you deliver this control over the sub or switch is relief. Relief of making decisions, relief of responsibility, relief of being in charge and even often sexual relief. Just like in typical D/s typically the sub is a strong person who is looking for this relief. To Top a switch is no different.
I personally have Dommed typical subs as well as switches and subbed as well.
I am from the school of thought that good Doms/Dommes have experienced the other end of the whip as it were (whether literal or in the receiving end of mind-fuckery.) This is simply because then when it's their turn to top, they know exactly what it feels like to experience what it is they are about to deliver.
So, to those Domming - my peers, those looking into D/s Being the Dom/Domme is so much more than whips and chains, so much more than sexual fulfillment or mental fuckery. You are bringing people peace of mind and the deepest of calm.
What we do matters. It isn't flippant, nor is it a game.
I challenge anyone reading this who Doms...to take them higher...
Communication is Key
So...what's your pleasure?
Please put what you or others consider "normal" from your mind! There are always going to be kink shamers that try to say these things are okay and these kinds aren’t. All this focus on what counts as normal, right, proper sex (and what isn't "okay") takes us from the route of what we might like to explore or what tweaks our tweak.
So the first step is to try to ignore all the things you’ve learned or believed/heard about ‘normal sex’ and all the things you've "heard" is "amazing sex" and focus on what YOU would actually like to do. That might include kink or at least kink as foreplay.
People are into all different kinds of things. For example you might enjoy TPE/controlling another and never go near being submissive or impact play. Or vice versa. . Nobody should ever tell you that your motivations or preferences are any less valid that anyone else’s. One day you may find you want to be in charge and the next day on your knees.
Communicate it!
If you’re not sure what you’re into you can check out kinky videos, erotic fiction, or various BDSM websites and see what gets your attention. Another idea is a yes, no, maybe list - of if things sound interesting. If you can't find a good one, I have one I will gladly send you to help you explore!
Preferences and desires often change over time, and with experience. You should re-examine your ideas/kinks from time to time. Some people write, and update, a kind of ‘user manual’ for themselves to give partners a longer explanation of how they – and their body – work. One particularly important thing to get across is any ‘hard limits’ (things that go beyond no interest but are a "hell no") and ‘triggers’ (things that will upset/cause a reaction in you) you’re aware of so that partners know what they really shouldn't do or say.
Safewords are a good idea - traditional BDSM uses Red, Yellow and Green...during a check in green, like a stoplight is "all good." Yellow meaning this is on the edge of limitations and Red is a "safeword" or "STOP"
However, with your partner you can come up with your own terminology where if something is new or if something is...as with the One I answer to a "no no" (meaning it isn't going to happen under any circumstances - a beyond negotiable hard limit)
The absolutely key thing with all of this is to create conditions under which whatever you do is most likely to be consensual for all concerned. Speak up! "I'd like to try this..." Or "I'd like it if you did this to me." If the session is virtual (most of our worlds are at a minimum partially virtual.) "I'd like to feel this way." "It would be great if you could do this for me." (Examples might be guided masturbation, setting up a schedule for a sub, or even a session of no holds-barred kinky talk.)
Main thing is communicate! Whether with a vanilla partner or with your Dom/me or sub, no one reads minds. Convey what you're thinking and what you'd like (you'll be surprised!) If they are your partner, they are going to want you pleased/to feel good (yes even Dom/mes like when they deliver pleasure.)
Hope that helps! Now go communicate!
Haikus by me
She is like sunrise; beckoning you to serve her as the day begins.
Cancerian child
Waiting for the moon to rise
I whisper "hurry"
Horizon set eyes;
Forward the only option
Gratitude the fuel...
She is like nightfall;
Her darkness is in contrast
to Her radiance.
5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to help submissives understand their role, and isn't more than a faux pas. During interactions with your Dominant, it's a lesson to know that you can't control what is going on. Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. Examples of this could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. Generally, it is frowned upon to try to force the Dominant's hand to do something they do not wish to do.
1. You contradict the decision of your dominant.
If you try to change his or her mind about the decision they have made, without a valid reason, you are topping from the bottom. Examples could range from trying to convince them to use a different toy because you don't like the one they are using, to asking them if they are sure they want to eat at Joe's Restaurant when you really want to eat at Donna's Cafe.
2. You ignore the request or command.
This one goes without saying, but pretending you didn't hear the request and just to carry on doing what you want to do is not appropriate. Acknowledge the request as soon as possible and follow out the command as best you can. You can always go back to what you were doing afterward. The dominant is expecting your service at all times, not just when you want to give it. Topping from the bottom can be non-verbal.
3. You ask "What is in it for me if I do x y z?"
Submission isn't about pleasing you directly. Being directed to do something from your Dominant is to please them, and as my Master always says, "Doing things for me should be your pleasure." Conditional submission is topping from the bottom and should not exist, you either submit or you don't. What you get in return is up to your Dominant. Negotiating this at the beginning of the relationship is critical.
4. You pull away from physical contact.
This is a tough one, but typically in a D/s relationship, you have given over control of your body to your Dominant. This means that if they wish to touch you, that is their right. Telling them with physical withdrawal that you do not wish to be touched is trying to force their decision to touch you. Removing yourself from the situation is topping from the bottom. Learn to accept the attention, no matter what it is; it could develop into a wonderfully intimate time between the two of you.
5. You say "no".*
As a submissive, you may hang on to the right to say no, but if the Dominant gives you a reasonable request and it is within your negotiated terms to do, then you shouldn't say no. Inconveniencing you isn't a valid excuse. Neither is I don't want to. Your Dominant has your better interests at heart, but also their desires. Perform the task and then feel good about it. What you just did may have enhanced your relationship, or you just refreshed their coffee. Either way, life is good.
* No is an important word in a D/s relationship, but one that shouldn't be abused. Just like safewords, this word is only to be used in non-negotiated situations or when something needs to be cleared up first. Remember: use sparingly.
Resource: https://submissiveguide.com
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