let's have a talk about D/s especially focusing on submission.

Three types of submissive

1. The immediate submissive finds an immediate reward as a "consequence" of the act of submission. This may be something like sexual arousal, the satiation (temporarily, at least) of feelings of guilt, or simply the pleasure of an endorphine rush. The act of submission is not pleasurable or satisfying on its own.
2. The psychological submissive finds her reward in the act of submission itself. This satisfaction or pleasure can, for example, come from the associated with temporarily giving up responsibility. Or it can come from a relaxation of the need to "be herself" while the dominant is in control; she can, instead, simply be nothing, she can abandon herself completely.
3. The slave has an internal need or craving that is appeased by the act of submission. The act of submission itself may or may not be pleasurable to the slave, but the release from the pressure of the need always is.

(from: https://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Understanding_Submission)

great resource page to newcomers.

*************

If you're reading this, you likely know me from Niteflirt or found me elsewhere...If you've been around for a while, you've heard how and where I got my start - how I cut my teeth as a Domme and even about the ever-so-mysterious-Phantom...

Well as you know, I lost Phantom / my Master in 2015.

I am a believer that to be a good Domme/Dom one needs to understand it from both sides of the whip as it were. I will continue to say that as it's a genuine belief. Since then, the spark of "what to pass along" or that spark/flame inside that I'd felt (including subspace and all the wonderful feelings of submission) was slowly fading.

"When you aren't looking."

When someone isn't afraid of who I am, instead seems amused at my facets and contradictions.

When someone is willing to take on the mantle / pick up the torch of "Master" or "Dom" (when that wasn't what it was about)

When someone cares about giving me that experience again in my life versus their own needs.

That person deserves a second look...





This is just the beginning...but with a recharged/refreshed Domme...all the old guard ways...with manners, protocol and respect will not only be educated and reminded, but enforced. Who is He? You needn't worry about that...For now you'll see me mind my capital letters and refer to him as "Mr. O" or "Mr. Oisín" You likely don't know Him, but you will quickly see what He brings to my life as I pass along the trembles and feels of subspace as well as the relief of power exchange.

Giving back what was once given to me (refresher course in DJology)

Ok cliff notes version for those of you that have been contemplating the lint in your navels.

Long ago in a galaxy far far away....oh wait...

So...started Pro Domming in college - in Reno yadda yadda..took over a retiring Domme's client list (well, half of it anyhow…)

I'm puttering along...and go to a nerd con (I really want to say it was a Star Wars themed thing, but sadly it wan't) It was Comic-Con in San Diego...Long story short I was wearing body paint (I was a Zabrak, hatin' is bad.) If you don't know what a Zabrak is...there's the door.

Anywho one thing leads to another and Phantom enters the picture (we were actually NOT on site at the con but instead at a diner playing Wizards of the Coast - Star Wars rpg) As you all know He was the one that helped me hone my skills as  Pro Domme and online as well -He was my Master. He had me make recordings before it was really a "thing" -- but I digress...Under His guidance I became a better ProDomme as I learned to give the things I'd experienced or pass along what I'd learned...

Fast forward to today.
There are a few of you...that I can really rattle your cages...
I have you to where you don't know if you're coming or going....

to that I say good and welcome to the Dark Side....

It's an honor to be able to pass along 5% of what I was given.

Yes my degree is in Accounting. I am truly a nerd...

If you want to learn something about BDSM I may or may not have the answers...but I will help you find them...

If I think a different Domme would better suit you? I'll be directing you that way.

Giving back what was once given to me.

Likes:
coffee, horror novels, scary movies, stuffed animals, Thai Food, bellydancing, country music,
cheese, white chocolate, Star Wars (only the DarkSide! I keed I keed)

Dislikes:
mean people, thunderstorms, being cold, peas, lima beans, liver, hockey, dishonesty, alcohol (upsets my stomach), drama

I guess if you wanna know something - ask.

"The Washcloth incident" try not to judge people (true story, starring Yours Truly)

A brief preface:

Not long after your favorite Dominatrix was born...my mother was in a horse-back riding incident. Her back was broken/vertebrae had to be fused. She was able to walk in time, but needless to say lifting, handling and even playing with (on the ground etc) a baby was...challenging. So, Yours Truly had a Nanny. (No, not some ninny college kid but a true blue Nanny from Sussex!) She said she spoke in poor Cockney, but you couldn't tell me the sun didn't rise for Nana...she smelled of menthol cigarettes and tea. She was quite rough around the edges but she taught me an awful lot. A real member of the family...(this matters, you'll see the connect shortly)

So, Nana was responsible for all of the heavy lifting of raising me from newborn essentially to about 6. Bathing, feeding, playing, handling...you get the picture.

Fast forward: I am 18 years old, I moved out right after I turned 18...I am in my own apartment and attending Jr. College (don't get excited, this isn't a Domme tale...one year to that...) but my dear friend (since age 11 or so-ish) comes over,  she is Mormon, not that it's here nor there. Her family raised her conservatively of course, but I was raised in the strict German ways. Needless to say, we could always relate. I digress, my friend comes over to stay the night with me. We are having a grand time in my new apartment, got a pizza was going to watch some nonsense on the television - a girls night! 
A great time is had, then it's time for bed. She wants to shower before bed so I direct her to my towel cupboard - nice new clean white towels (you can bleach towels!!) She comes out and asks me where the washcloths are? I am confused, "Washcloths?" I explain to her I didn't bother to get any as I don't use them (and I really didn't outside of to wash my face and take off makeup.)

The next day her mother was coming to pick us up to take us to their church (long standing tradition) and sometime during all that she explained to her mom that I didn't grasp the point of a washcloth. Her mom comes over (I found some 7up to offer her) and explains to me the full proper usage of a washcloth, in a motherly, non-demeaning way. (True story!) As it turns out: Nana thought my mom talked to me and taught me "how to wash" and my mom thought Nana "taught me how to wash"

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't smelly or gross, I'd take a bath daily, soak and use my hands to suds EVERYWHERE (you know what I mean!) but now I know the mystery of these damnfangled little squares...

Fast forward nearly 20 years and I'm talking to a buddy on the phone...turns out his parter didn't use washcloths either --

I think the reason I am sharing this is: even with the best of grooming and intentions -- things fall through the cracks (pun intended). Things get overlooked or simply not taught. You never know why someone does things so differently from you. Culture? Religion? Never taught? All possibilities...

So, when someone does something different from you, pause for a moment--have some empathy and remember DJ.

Descending the stairs

Descending the stairs, the dim light from the sconces only provides highlight to Her form.
Fearing to speak freely, you utter, "Mistress?" seeking Her out.
Perched on Her throne in the corner She observes you, like a cat stalking a bird on the grass.
Taking a sip from Her coffee, She slurps causing your strained gaze to shift Her direction.


Descending the stairs, you can now make out the steam rising from Her mug on the table.
Examining the crimson cinder block walls--the word dungeon clangs in your head like a bell.
Watching, still perched, your Domme awaits your submission.
Impatiently, Her boot heel scuffs the floor, causing you to jump a bit.


Descending the stairs, your new life is ahead--one of submission.
Trembling with anticipation you strip, kneeling as directed.
Standing gracefully, your Goddess slowly approaches, Her heels clicking on the concrete floor.
You look up once and meet Her grey gaze then immediately cast your eyes downward.

Now your new life begins....

Are you really a submissive / potential pet or slave or is it just masturbation fodder?

Are you really capable of putting My needs before every single one of your own?

To think about how a situation will affect Me before how it affects you? "Will this be pleasing to DJ?" – That is what true submission looks like.

You have to want to do anything and everything, under any circumstance, wherever, whenever it is asked or demanded of you, to please Me. I must always come first. Whatever I ask of you, you must do without question, (of course contractual agreements and limits would be respected) but...could you do that?

If, despite and in spite of all the above, you still feel that it’s for you? You must always approach and interact with respect. Manners are very important – they show intelligence and sincerity as well. Stating your truth and what you're really seeking is key, answer questions from Me honestly --so we can better build our D/s bond Be yourself. Above all, be HONEST. If you lie, you’ll defeat the object of this endeavor.

Many guys twist the BDSM world for masturbation fodder, and I suppose that's ok -- but, you need to realize that fantasizing about serving Me (to get off essentially) and really putting in the work of a pet are two different things.