The Gain from Pain --why BDSM can be good for you!

Sadomasochism, or sexual enjoyment from giving or receiving pain, may be a meditative experience and in some cases may lead to an altered state of consciousness, new research suggests. Consensual sadomasochism was long considered pathological, but psychologists studying people interested in BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) have failed to find evidence that these sexual practices are harmful. One study, published in May 2013, actually found that practitioners of BDSM were better off than the general population in some ways, including having secure relationships and lower anxiety. Currently, the psychiatrists' definitive handbook, the DSM-5, lists BDSM as a paraphilia, or unusual sexual fixation, but only classifies it as a disorder if it causes harm. If sadomasochism is not a pathology as once believed, the question is why some people engage in these painful sexual behaviors, said James Ambler, a graduate student in psychology at Northern Illinois University. "It seems, on the surface, very paradoxical," Ambler told Live Science. [Hot Stuff? 10 Unusual Sexual Fixations] The gain from pain To find out, Ambler recruited "switches," or people in the SM community who like both receiving pain and giving pain. Fourteen switches, 10 of whom were women, agreed to be assigned one of those two roles for the night by roll of the die. Before and after their sexual experience, the volunteers completed a cognitive test called the Stroop task, in which they saw a word for a color written in a color other than what the word said ("blue" written in red, for example). It's hard for the brain to read the word correctly when the color of the letters clashes with the meaning, making this a widely used test of cognitive abilities. The volunteers also filled out questionnaires about their feelings of "flow" during the sadomasochistic experience. Flow is a state of focus and enjoyment that people feel when fully immersed in a task. The results showed that people playing the pain-receiving role showed poorer Stroop task scores, which are seen with short-term reductions of functions in a part of the brain called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortexAmbler said. This region is linked to executive control, working memory and other higher-level functions. The pain that comes with sadomasochistic sex may cause the brain to shunt blood flow away from this region, causing a subjectively altered state of consciousness — and the appeal of SM, Ambler said. "Part of the reason these SM activities may be so extreme, at some level, is that they're particularly effective at causing the brain to change its distribution of blood flow," he said. [51 Sultry Facts About Sex] People on the giving end of the pain got benefits, too. Both sides of the equation reported similar levels of flow during their sexual "scene." Spiritual, not sexual The findings hint that sadomasochism isn't entirely about sex. A second study, conducted by Ellen Lee, a graduate student in psychology at Northern Illinois University, with her advisor, Brad Sagarin, and their BDSM Research Team, focused on a nonsexual — but very painful — ritual performed by some in the community. Called the "Dance of Souls," this ritual involves people getting temporary skin piercings, through which hooks attached to ropes are placed. The ropes of one person are connected to those on others in the group or to a fixed object and are pulled taut as music or drums are played. These events are also known as "energy pulls" and are seen as primarily spiritual, not sexual, Sagarin told Live Science.

The researchers surveyed 22 participants in one of these rituals at a kink community conference in California. Five participants who were hooked agreed to participate, as well as nine supporters (who make sure group members are OK during the ritual) and eight observers. The participants filled out surveys about their stress, emotions, flow and the extent to which they felt their own selves overlapped with others at the event. They also gave saliva samples to test their cortisol, a hormone that spikes during stress.

Unsurprisingly, given the pain, cortisol levels went up during the ritual. But something odd happened: Participants reported feeling less stressed.

"We see this interesting disconnect," Sagarin said. "We think this may be indicative of the types of altered states of consciousness people might be seeking."

The effect might not be so different from what people experience when they push their bodies during yoga, or even during meditation, he said. People who complete the energy pull ritual also report feeling more connected to others, he added.

The brain effects Ambler found might provide an explanation. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is responsible, in part, for distinguishing self from other, he said. If less blood flows to the brain during these intensely painful experiences, the result may be a feeling of oneness.

The researchers hope that future research will involve closer, minute-by-minute monitoring of participants to delve into how the physiological and the psychological are linked. The findings are interesting both because they illuminate that link and because sadomasochism may not be quite as fringe as psychologists once thought, the researchers said.

"Research would suggest that a substantial minority of people do either fantasize or participate in these activities," Sagarin said. "There is relevance to it in terms of the number of people either directly or indirectly involved."

The researchers presented their findings last week at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in Austin, Texas.

interesting affirmations

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course! 60 Life Lessons: Insights from Oprah’s Life Class By Lori Deschene Call me a traitor to my gender, but I didn’t grow up watching Oprah. I didn’t have parties with other ladies that involved a television and tissues. I didn’t fill my library according to her book club recommendations. And I didn’t live my life around the question, “What would Oprah do?” Considering my penchant for drama back then, I was more likely to curl up to Jerry Springer than a show without paternity tests and chair throwing. But recently Oprah called to me. Literally. It started when the network reached out to my friend Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love to include him in a webcast for Oprah’s Life Class. I read his excited blog posts about receiving this opportunity, and I was thrilled for him, but having never gotten into her first chapter, I didn’t feel drawn to her next. I also wondered if sometimes Oprah’s celebrity overpowers the messages. Then I watched the webcast, and I realized there is something very powerful going on within this movement. I fell in love with Oprah’s Life Class—both because Oprah leads with humility and authenticity, and because she’s attracted a vibrant community of people learning to let go of pain and open up to joy. As I absorbed myself in the archives of webcasts, I watched people forming new insights, having mini epiphanies, and most importantly, bonding with each other through their common struggles and potential. I wanted to be part of that. Just after my marathon Life Class session, Oprah’s people called and invited me to attend a live taping of her webcast, on Mastin’s recommendation. I’d now have a chance to be part of it, up close. While there were certain spiritual conversations that created a bit of a disconnect for me, I walked away from the experience feeling touched, inspired, and eager to share the work they’re doing there. I considered giving you the highlights of the webcasts from this season, but you can easily watch those yourself. So instead, I’d like to share some of the most profound insights I gleaned from Oprah’s community of “students” in their answers to one of her pre-show questions. (Submitted to her anonymously, unless otherwise indicated): On Self-Love

1. I know now that I must validate myself before I want others to validate me. I need to stop putting myself at the bottom of the pile. ~Cocomo614

2. I know that my time is just as valuable as anyone else’s and I know I don’t have to apologize for putting me back on my to-do list.

3. When I take care of myself, I am confirming my worth to myself. If I give to myself first (time, rest, love), I have more to give to others.

4. Not to be so hard on myself…been through a lot in life but I still deserve to be happy in this life. ~@nerlster

5. I know that it’s okay to have my own opinions and tell the truth.

6. It’s easy to give up on yourself. The hard part is staying focused on being a better you.

7. I know I am a product of what I believe to be true. I know I hold the power… all the power to change when I want to. I have to commit!

8. I have value and merit, that I am intelligent and worthy of love and respect.

9. I don’t have to let my past define who I am today.

10. I have finally realized I am all those good things about myself that others have seen all along.

new looks for fall--not dissapointing...grown and sexy

http://www.kohls.com/sale-event/womens-dresses-clothing.jsp?CN=4294720878+4294719462+4294719810&CC=womens-LN7.0-S-dressshop



http://www.target.com/c/modern-classic-women-s-ways-to-shop/-/N-54vug#?lnk=L1L2_Wmn_09021_0_HERO_22_7_2014|HERO|T:Template B-DVM|C:CMS&intc=1938060|null



my point being, it's grown and sexy. Classic.
there are looks that just never go out of style.
glad to see, after all of the continual bombardment in media or pointless nakedness/inappropriate attire--that there are offerings for those that opt for a bit of mystery.

That said....fall shopping is here!
http://www1.macys.com/campaign/social?campaign_id=148&channel_id=1
I'm glad to see it.

positvity...and I'm guilty of this too! NO MORE DRAMA!

Why do people feed on drama? This isn't aimed at anyone in particular; but I suppose it's aimed more at my sisters than my brothers. Men tend to not be over-dramatic unless they are sissies or gay...but the drama...seriously? Look we all have them...bad days, bad moments, bad years even.

I challenge you right now.
You, reading this.

I challenge YOU to ditch the drama--male or female...sub or dom(me)...gay, straight or bi.

seriously, lose the drama--you'll be much more productive!

that's all...