From the mind, scenes and dungeon of Mistress DJ. You'll find writing, happenings and goodies. Mistress DJ has been a Pro Dominatrix for 20+ years and translates the real time experience of a dungeon to online.
Mistress DJ loves roleplaying and helping you explore the BDSM community that she loves so much.
I hope everyone is making the best of the summer! Time goes so swiftly doesn't it?? I don't have any pearls of wisdom to share really other than some fun links!
from people becoming ill to state lock downs...
from having to wear a mask to shortages on staples...
It's a struggle, many of ya'll have suffered from this...
For the month of September I will be offering 50% off goodies IF you mention you saw this on my blog (shoot me a note, and I will give you the discounted price) AND...the holiday line will be the COVID line at a discounted rate through September 30th!
What you want is an Adult Education. Want to learn about a kink? explore a fetish? Roleplay something you never dared? I gotchu! Look 20 years of experience, study and Domming….I'll help you get there...and if I can't? I will help you on your journey to find it!
Please put what you or others consider "normal" from your mind! There are always going to be kink shamers that try to say these things are okay and these kinds aren’t. All this focus on what counts as normal, right, proper sex (and what isn't "okay") takes us from the route of what we might like to explore or what tweaks our tweak.
So the first step is to try to ignore all the things you’ve learned or believed/heard about ‘normal sex’ and all the things you've "heard" is "amazing sex" and focus on what YOU would actually like to do. That might include kink or at least kink as foreplay.
People are into all different kinds of things. For example you might enjoy TPE/controlling another and never go near being submissive or impact play. Or vice versa. . Nobody should ever tell you that your motivations or preferences are any less valid that anyone else’s. One day you may find you want to be in charge and the next day on your knees.
Communicate it!
If you’re not sure what you’re into you can check out kinky videos, erotic fiction, or various BDSM websites and see what gets your attention. Another idea is a yes, no, maybe list - of if things sound interesting. If you can't find a good one, I have one I will gladly send you to help you explore!
Preferences and desires often change over time, and with experience. You should re-examine your ideas/kinks from time to time. Some people write, and update, a kind of ‘user manual’ for themselves to give partners a longer explanation of how they – and their body – work. One particularly important thing to get across is any ‘hard limits’ (things that go beyond no interest but are a "hell no") and ‘triggers’ (things that will upset/cause a reaction in you) you’re aware of so that partners know what they really shouldn't do or say.
Safewords are a good idea - traditional BDSM uses Red, Yellow and Green...during a check in green, like a stoplight is "all good." Yellow meaning this is on the edge of limitations and Red is a "safeword" or "STOP"
However, with your partner you can come up with your own terminology where if something is new or if something is...as with the One I answer to a "no no" (meaning it isn't going to happen under any circumstances - a beyond negotiable hard limit)
The absolutely key thing with all of this is to create conditions under which whatever you do is most likely to be consensual for all concerned. Speak up! "I'd like to try this..." Or "I'd like it if you did this to me." If the session is virtual (most of our worlds are at a minimum partially virtual.) "I'd like to feel this way." "It would be great if you could do this for me." (Examples might be guided masturbation, setting up a schedule for a sub, or even a session of no holds-barred kinky talk.)
Main thing is communicate! Whether with a vanilla partner or with your Dom/me or sub, no one reads minds. Convey what you're thinking and what you'd like (you'll be surprised!) If they are your partner, they are going to want you pleased/to feel good (yes even Dom/mes like when they deliver pleasure.)
I am going to step out on a thin branch right here and say something point blank: Bratting isn't cute, and I am beginning to associate it with time wasters. Bratting can easily cross the line from being "fun" to "poke at the Domme" to where the sub is just badly behaved. There is nothing worse than someone who wastes my time! These will be people that send little hellos here and there, or promise that they will be in contact soon only to bonk off again...Ones that say....oh I'll call later tonight and try to get me to chat a scene (which is possible) but it requires INTERACTION....and of course...there's always the freebie seekers...but I digress..
The worst ones, however, are the ones that W/we are forming a BDSM relationship -- something doesn't align with their petty selfish ways and they either "ghost" altogether or try to regain some margin of control with their behavior...this can be trying to buy their way out (many gifts, hefty tributes and gift cards) or by trying to put on a good behavior "show" (leaving feedback everywhere, re-tweeting everything, etc) While I'm not one to turn down either...they don't make up for poor behavior.
As a sub, you are not in control of the scene, the situation or the relationship.
Read that again.
Your hard limits will be respected. Your lines will be pushed and I'll take you for the ride of your life;
BUT
"Bratting" to get my attention
"Bratting" because things aren't developing as YOU want them
"Bratting" to delay/change something
is atrocious.
It wastes MY time and yours.
Also....when I've given people multiple chances, and even pulled them back into the fold a few times and they continue to play games...I let them go. I deal with a few subs, as you can imagine, I simply cannot afford (timewise) one that is attempting to garnish all of my time with their poor behavior
Here is a good article for you sassy-fucks out there:
Do the work to get clear about who you are—not just who you routinely consider yourself to be, the person you habitually show the world—but who you are in the deepest recesses of your authentic heart and soul.
The word “authenticity” is misunderstood sometimes. People think of it as a virtue, like honesty . . . like you owe the world your authenticity and you should feel bad if you’re not authentic. That’s not the case. I’m not suggesting you should become more authentic because it will make you a better person—you already are a phenomenal person. I’m telling you that becoming more authentic is your golden ticket—to joy, to success, to vibrant health and energy, to easily manifesting the life of your dreams. It’s every bit that transformative. You’re not doing this to better serve the world; you’re doing it to better serve you. But—happy bonus!—it happens to be the best way to serve your loved ones and the world as well.
Stop trying to justify and rationalize your most heartfelt desires. Your desires are the clearest indicator of who you are. Denying them is denying you. No one needs to understand why you want what you want. You don’t even need to understand it yourself. Just trust it, and trust yourself to manifest it. The reason you don’t already have everything you want is crazy-simple. You don’t love yourself enough yet to deeply believe that you deserve everything you want. My students argue that sometimes, but they always discover it’s true. You might even believe, on a conscious level, that you do deserve a certain thing, but I promise you that if you were fully, wholly believing you deserved it—even in the cobwebby corners of your unconscious belief system—it would already be in your life.
4. Stop trying to vanquish the “bad stuff.”
And stop whining about it, too. Celebrate our unwanted circumstances because there’s so much valuable information for us in them. Get clear on why your unwanted circumstances are here and why you created them. Then use them as a springboard. Once you can start genuinely thanking “the bad stuff”, it’s pretty easy to move past it.
5. Take responsibility.
Own every last drop of everything you’ve ever created. We’re so conditioned to blame our unwanted circumstances on other people, or on the “system” or the world . . . What if it’s really all within your control? Taking full responsibility for the life you’ve created for yourself and the life you’re in the process of creating is hugely empowering. But it requires first getting uber-honest to a degree that’s terrifying for most people. Don’t be “most people.” Understanding that you alone are holding the reins on your life is the first critical step toward learning how to operate them.
6. Stop tolerating.
Tolerating is slow emotional suicide. It sucks the life out of you, drains your energy, numbs you, depletes you, and keeps you immobilized. There’s no reason for you to ever tolerate anything. We sometimes confuse tolerating with accepting—we all know it’s good to accept the things we can’t change, right? If we make very clear distinctions between what can be changed and what can’t, then it’s astounding the kinds of life-altering adjustments people are able to easily, joyfully make when they understand the underlying reasons they’ve been tolerating things.
7. Get out of the spin cycle.
Where in your life are you on autopilot, creating the same situation for yourself (in essence) over and over again? Maybe you keep dating the same romantic partner. Maybe the current model is better looking, or more successful, or slightly more open than the one before, but in essence you’re with a lover who triggers your tried-and-true insecurities, defense mechanisms, and familiar unhealthy spirals. Or maybe you find yourself in the same employment dynamic over and over again—even if you change careers completely. Maybe you’ve attracted a series of supervisors, or a series of friends, who stir up the not-good-enough feelings a parent invoked for you as a child. Escape the spin cycle by learning how to look closely at how these patterns develop and how to benefit from the opportunities they offer.
8. Permanently shift your beliefs.
Focus on the deliberate rewiring of your belief system because your beliefs are determining everything you experience as your reality. That’s not New-Age speak anymore; it’s common knowledge. It’s why researchers always have to use placebo control groups whenever they test any drug. If they don’t have a group taking a sugar pill, their findings won’t be considered valid by the agencies that govern pharmaceuticals. In pain-control experiments, when a new pain pill is tested, fully half of the sufferers who are given a placebo will report having less pain. The mind is that powerful and the scientific community knows it. Changing your mind will change your life.
Many of your limiting beliefs are not unique to you; our culture suffers from a long-standing epidemic of crappy shared beliefs. Most of us, at some level, harbor the same fears, the same tragic self-doubts, and the same profound longings to be liberated from our self-made prisons. In our outer circumstances, we may vary greatly, but at deeper levels, this is seldom the case. If you aren’t living the precisely blissful, richly textured life you crave, take the steps to discover which of your beliefs are keeping you from it and what you can do about that.
9. Dream loudly.
Stop limiting yourself according to what seems practical. Practical goals do not inspire enough passion to propel you toward their certain fruition. As John F. Kennedy wisely surmised, “The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were.” Be those men (and women.).
10. Live passionately.
Once you’ve done the self-examination work to uncover your most delicious desires, don’t pussyfoot toward them. Hurl yourself recklessly in their direction! Trust that the Universe wildly adores you and is always orchestrating on your behalf. It’s been waiting for you to get pumped and grow a pair so that it could swoop in with divine assistance that will leave you breathless.
SAN FRANCISCO, UTAH
With transportation services like Uber and Lyft making millions, a new competitor from the kinky community is giving them a run for their money. The new service, Pony Express, is a local cab company powered entirely by “pony girls” and “pony boys,” men and women who pull carts and who dress and behave like human ponies.
Prices for their services vary by location, but at kink events, short rides can often be paid for simply by feeding the pony a carrot and petting them.
For longer trips, rates are competitive with other services.
When asked to comment, one of the drivers whinnied and nickered, but gave no substantive comments.
Pony Express is expected to gross more than $15 million this year in the the San Francisco area alone.
