Edging to a new level...

Edging refers to getting to the EDGE of cumming, a stroke or several away, and then staying there for a while. It goes by many names:
EDGING = staying on the EDGE of cuming (very different from "edge play" which also plays with breath to enhance arousal, but which literally rides the edge of asphyxiation to achieve this; not something I want to do or have done to me!)
PEAKING = staying at the peak of arousal;
BRINKING = staying on the BRINK of cumming;
TEETERING = teetering on the edge of cumming w/o falling (thanks in Melbourne);
PLATEAUING = cruising on the Western Prairie of BLISS;
VERGING = surfing on the edge of the Wave of BLISS;
ENDORPHING = ever so gently stroking your Erotic Handle to increase the flow of ENDORPHINS in your brain;
PROLONGED AROUSAL = staying AROUSED for a very long time;
MASTURBATION = doing ALL the above )
The key is
Be Mindful.
Pay attention to what you feel - Savor your feelings in ALL parts of your body. Don't focus only on your cock, but be aware of tingles in your feet, your back, your mind, and especially your perineum and prostate. Help your mind be aware of these by touching yourself in these places.

Most guys find that porn flicks or friction fiction is useful, if at all, only at the start of a session. After you get GOOD VIBRATIONS going all the way from your cockhead to your prostate, focus on these, savor them cultivate them. If you have other ideas, or porn thoughts, or even work ideas come into your head, just let them float across the screen of your consciousness, the surface of your meditative mind, and stay centered on your breathing, your body.

Consume the deliciousness of the tingles in your perineum, in your cock, as you pull your balls, twist your nipples. If something heightens your pleasure, just let it happen and focus on the deliciousness, letting thought of how it happened pass.

So try this...and let me know how it works!!

Denial.


Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is sometimes associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied party.<br><br>

Orgasm denial practices can allow dominant lovers to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their submissive lovers' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Dominant lovers can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Submissive lovers can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualized objectification and erotic loss of control.<br><br>

Orgasm denial as a way of orgasm control is a widely practiced activity within erotic feminization. The top will often deny the submissive (BDSM) sexual release to maintain his heightened state of sexual arousal, as a way to satisfy his desires for erotic humiliation, or as a way to satisfy the dominant's own desires to erotically humiliate.<br><br>

Short-term denial practices Tease and denial


Tease and denial describes a situation where a person's genitals are stimulated until he/she is close to the point at which orgasm would normally be inevitable. At that point, direct stimulation of the genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to keep the recipient on the very brink or “edge” of orgasm (as with orgasm control) but without the promise of orgasm at the end. If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a “ruined orgasm,” as opposed to being a “denied orgasm,” (sometimes known as “blue balls”). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction (“blocked orgasm”). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.



making love out of nothing at all -- Bonnie style


"Making Love (Out Of Nothing At All)"

I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie

I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream

And know just where to touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose

And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then I know how break them
And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all

Out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all

Out of nothing at all (Making love)
Out of nothing at all (Making love)
Out of nothing at all (Making love)
Out of nothing at all

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky
Is taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight

The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

I gotta follow it
Cause everything I own, now
It's nothing till I give it to you

I can make you find your power
I can make you lose your fear
I can make your body do some very magical things
I'll make your inhibitions all disappear

I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone

But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really wanna see me crawl
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all

(Making love) Out of nothing at all
(Making love) Out of nothing at all
(Making love)

the importance of aftercare.

All scenes, no matter what their focus is, should include some kind of aftercare component. In its most basic form, aftercare can be thought of as the willingness to support your partner after a play session to ensure return to an everyday state of mental and emotional equilibrium (Dexter, 2012). This time is used to provide comfort and support to both players. It signals to both parties that they are valued and appreciated (A Submissive's Journey, 2013) and is one of the distinctions between engaging in BDSM and abuse (Peyton, 2013).

BDSM scenes, no matter where they range from pain causing elements to mental power exchanges, can change a person's headspace and include a certain high caused by endorphins flooding the blood stream (Fox, 2012). These endorphins are joined by other neurotransmitters such as dopamine. As endorphins inhibit the pain receptors, the brain floods with dopamine which activates the reward center and fills you with euphoria. When the dopamine levels subside in the brain, a neurochemical called prolactin is released. Research has shown that prolactin is a stress hormone that keeps the dopamine levels in your brain in check; this neurochemical has been linked to feelings of depression and alienation (SirReal, 2007). It is easily understandable why coming from this high can cause some players to feel emotional and in need of some type of support, physical or otherwise (BedroomBondage, 2013). Engaging in aftercare can strongly increase the intimacy between two players and while often geared towards the bottom, it benefits the top as well (Peyton , 2013).

Regrettably when people first get into kink, and sometimes even with experienced players, aftercare is not something that is discussed or done. You may also be without a reliable play partner or perhaps playing with someone at a public event and this aspect is overlooked. Aftercare may also be overlooked if playing with an online partner (Abode, 2013). In case of emergencies, it is good to have your own aftercare kit (lunaKM, 2009).

If you need to do your own aftercare be sure to take care of your immediate physical concerns and treat any injuries. You may wish to clean up a bit, use the bathroom, change into more comfortable clothes. Once this is taken care of, be sure to have a bite to eat and some water. Foods chosen should help give you a boost and rebalance your hormones; good choices could include: chocolate, fruit juice, energy bars, fresh or dried fruit, nuts, herbal tea or hot chocolate (Abode, 2013).

After this initial phase, ensure that you have a safe way home, presuming you are not home already. If you are unsure if you are driving after half an hour, check your pupils in the mirror to see if they are highly dilated. If you are still feeling out of it, consider calling a friend or a taxi to get home. When you get home ensure to stay hydrated and stay warm. You can try some yoga or stretching. If you are feeling social, meet up with some friends (Abode, 2013).

It can be helpful to take a good dose of vitamins after play to help promote healing and reduce any lingering negative emotions (Abode, 2013). This can be a helpful alternative to having someone to cuddle with, it will not be the same but it can help.

Why Have an Aftercare Kit?

Aftercare is an important part of seeing to the physical, mental, and emotional health of you and your play partner. When you are packing up your kink toys, it is easy to have an aftercare kit ready to go. This is a great idea because it ensures you will have what you are likely to need no matter where you are. It also shows your partner that you are thinking ahead and ensuring safe play.

What Should Be In Your Aftercare Kit?

You should tailor this pack to the type of play you are engaging in or your play partner as different items may be needed. There are some items that you may wish to consistently keep in your kit as they will always be applicable such as a blanket or first aid kit. Some suggestions of things that you might wish to consider placing in your pack:

Small snack - It is common for people to get hungry after the release of endorphins. Someone's blood sugar may drop during play as well so it is always a good idea to have something for you or your partner to munch on afterward. It can also help return someone to a everyday world state of mind by grounding them.

Water/sports drink bottle - You or your partner may get dehydrated during the play session. Staying hydrated is an important part of being safe during a play scene.

Ice/Heat pack - Ice packs can be used to cool down and reduce bruising by applying them to the impact area. You may also want a heat pack for any potential injuries

First Aid supplies - Always a good idea to have a first aid kit on hand

Blanket/bathrobe - It can be common for people to feel cold after the endorphins of the play session ebb.

Change of warm, comfortable clothes - After an intense play session, you or your partner may wish to relax in something warm and comfortable. It can also be more comfortable to cuddle.

Warm socks - To ensure you or your partner remains warm enough

Sterilization/wet wipes - Depending on type of play you do, these can be great for quick clean up.

Incense/scented candles - A calming and soothing scent can add to creating a relaxing aftercare environment

Journal - You or your partner may wish to record feelings or thoughts of what went well or things that can be improved.

Stuffed animal - If you or your partner wants one for comfort

Vitamin E/K cream or Arnica gel - These creams can be used to reduce existing bruises after impact play

Tube of heparinoid - Found in first aid sections and has several brand names. Used to increase blood flow and reduce bruising and inflammation from occurring

Customize Your Kit

What you choose to include in your aftercare kit should be dependent on the type of play that you and your partner typically engage in as well as the aftercare needs of your partner. There is more than one way to carry out aftercare and you should discuss what will make you and your partner the most comfortable.

It's so nice to be appreciated...

So as ya'll know I was out with the flu (and this shit is no joke this year!!!) and while away many of you were generous -- sending some just because love my way -- some sent gifts from amazon -- some sent some really funny stuff!!!

this one from boofriend cracked me up!!



I may be bad...but I'm perfectly good at it.



Love is great, love is fine Out the box, out of line The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more 'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it Sticks and stones may break my bones But chains and whips excite me

This song was really pretty clever -- at least as far as being a pop cross over-- when it comes on the radio, I must say that I crack a smile at the horror of the vanillas.

when you wish....you were "one of the cool kids"





Realize instead that:

Challenge for the new year:

Be happy in your own skin!

1. Get real.

Do the work to get clear about who you are—not just who you routinely consider yourself to be, the person you habitually show the world—but who you are in the deepest recesses of your authentic heart and soul.
The word “authenticity” is misunderstood sometimes. People think of it as a virtue, like honesty . . . like you owe the world your authenticity and you should feel bad if you’re not authentic. That’s not the case. I’m not suggesting you should become more authentic because it will make you a better person—you already are a phenomenal person. I’m telling you that becoming more authentic is your golden ticket—to joy, to success, to vibrant health and energy, to easily manifesting the life of your dreams. It’s every bit that transformative. You’re not doing this to better serve the world; you’re doing it to better serve you. But—happy bonus!—it happens to be the best way to serve your loved ones and the world as well.

2. Adore YOU.

If you’ve been on a personal development path for a while, I’m probably not the first to suggest that you need to love yourself. But I’m surprised to discover how often my students don’t really seem to know why I’m so insistent on that point. Are you tired of hearing about how you need to love yourself more? Does the thought of it feel kind of like of a burden—one more thing to check off your To-Do list? Does the whole concept feel a bit worn-out and cliché? Maybe you just need to understand what’s in it for you. Self-love is the fastest route to literally anything you want right now. Money, love, health, romance . . . it all hinges on your level of self-love. The circumstances of your life are always providing you a crystal-clear, precisely accurate measure of how much you love yourself and what you believe you deserve. All you can ever create is what you believe you’re worthy of experiencing. It’s an immutable energetic law. That’s why elevating self-love is the not-so-secret path to elevating everything else.

3. Trust your wants.

Stop trying to justify and rationalize your most heartfelt desires. Your desires are the clearest indicator of who you are. Denying them is denying you. No one needs to understand why you want what you want. You don’t even need to understand it yourself. Just trust it, and trust yourself to manifest it. The reason you don’t already have everything you want is crazy-simple. You don’t love yourself enough yet to deeply believe that you deserve everything you want. My students argue that sometimes, but they always discover it’s true. You might even believe, on a conscious level, that you do deserve a certain thing, but I promise you that if you were fully, wholly believing you deserved it—even in the cobwebby corners of your unconscious belief system—it would already be in your life.

4. Stop trying to vanquish the “bad stuff.”

And stop whining about it, too. Celebrate our unwanted circumstances because there’s so much valuable information for us in them. Get clear on why your unwanted circumstances are here and why you created them. Then use them as a springboard. Once you can start genuinely thanking “the bad stuff”, it’s pretty easy to move past it.

5. Take responsibility.

Own every last drop of everything you’ve ever created. We’re so conditioned to blame our unwanted circumstances on other people, or on the “system” or the world . . . What if it’s really all within your control? Taking full responsibility for the life you’ve created for yourself and the life you’re in the process of creating is hugely empowering. But it requires first getting uber-honest to a degree that’s terrifying for most people. Don’t be “most people.” Understanding that you alone are holding the reins on your life is the first critical step toward learning how to operate them.

6. Stop tolerating.

Tolerating is slow emotional suicide. It sucks the life out of you, drains your energy, numbs you, depletes you, and keeps you immobilized. There’s no reason for you to ever tolerate anything. We sometimes confuse tolerating with accepting—we all know it’s good to accept the things we can’t change, right? If we make very clear distinctions between what can be changed and what can’t, then it’s astounding the kinds of life-altering adjustments people are able to easily, joyfully make when they understand the underlying reasons they’ve been tolerating things.

7. Get out of the spin cycle.

Where in your life are you on autopilot, creating the same situation for yourself (in essence) over and over again? Maybe you keep dating the same romantic partner. Maybe the current model is better looking, or more successful, or slightly more open than the one before, but in essence you’re with a lover who triggers your tried-and-true insecurities, defense mechanisms, and familiar unhealthy spirals. Or maybe you find yourself in the same employment dynamic over and over again—even if you change careers completely. Maybe you’ve attracted a series of supervisors, or a series of friends, who stir up the not-good-enough feelings a parent invoked for you as a child. Escape the spin cycle by learning how to look closely at how these patterns develop and how to benefit from the opportunities they offer.

8. Permanently shift your beliefs.

Focus on the deliberate rewiring of your belief system because your beliefs are determining everything you experience as your reality. That’s not New-Age speak anymore; it’s common knowledge. It’s why researchers always have to use placebo control groups whenever they test any drug. If they don’t have a group taking a sugar pill, their findings won’t be considered valid by the agencies that govern pharmaceuticals. In pain-control experiments, when a new pain pill is tested, fully half of the sufferers who are given a placebo will report having less pain. The mind is that powerful and the scientific community knows it. Changing your mind will change your life. Many of your limiting beliefs are not unique to you; our culture suffers from a long-standing epidemic of crappy shared beliefs. Most of us, at some level, harbor the same fears, the same tragic self-doubts, and the same profound longings to be liberated from our self-made prisons. In our outer circumstances, we may vary greatly, but at deeper levels, this is seldom the case. If you aren’t living the precisely blissful, richly textured life you crave, take the steps to discover which of your beliefs are keeping you from it and what you can do about that.

9. Dream loudly.

Stop limiting yourself according to what seems practical. Practical goals do not inspire enough passion to propel you toward their certain fruition. As John F. Kennedy wisely surmised, “The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were.” Be those men (and women.).

10. Live passionately.

Once you’ve done the self-examination work to uncover your most delicious desires, don’t pussyfoot toward them. Hurl yourself recklessly in their direction! Trust that the Universe wildly adores you and is always orchestrating on your behalf. It’s been waiting for you to get pumped and grow a pair so that it could swoop in with divine assistance that will leave you breathless.