Choosing and Visiting a Pro Domme These notes are for those interested in employing a pro domme (female dominant). Some women offer professional domination (pro domme) services. A wide range of BDSM techniques and styles is available, but this does not include sexual services. A session is usually 60-90 minutes, and typically costs $200-$400. This varies by individual, location, services wanted, and other factors. The usual steps for a client: Get a reference to a pro domme. Negotiate on the phone. This usually involves 2-3 calls. Arrive at the session, pay, and do the session. Getting a Reference If you know someone who knows pro dommes, ask them. Look in the back of most "alternative"weekly papers Look on certain erotic web sites. Use google.com. E.g. enter a key word and your location. Example key words are "domme", "dominatrix", or "session", plus "bdsm" or "bondage" or similar. For location, try many forms: e.g neighborhood, city, county, region. On the Phone Choose and treat a pro domme as you would any other professional specialist - doctor, lawyer, or mechanic. They're not your lover, they're someone providing a service using relatively rare skills. Some factors to consider: Do they offer the specific techniques and style that interests you? Do you have the right energy/chemistry together? Pro dommes get lots of crank calls, time wasters, and guys hoping for free phone sex. You need to establish yourself quickly as a genuine likely session client. Be prepared to answer: How did you find me? What draws you to BDSM? What are you looking for in session? With whom have you had sessions before? Why do you want a professional session? These might not all be asked directly, but you should have thought about them beforehand. Be entirely honest, e.g. "I've not really done much, but I've got these fantasies, and I think I'm ready to try them out." Then be prepared to tell the fantasy. This is not a time to by shy or reticent. If she's a good pro domme, she's heard it all before. More importantly, she won't be judgmental. She'll appreciate your efforts at articulating any forbidden fantasies. Likely she'll say "I can give you a session in that area". The worst she'll say would be "That's outside the services I offer right now, but I can refer you to someone who does that type of session." Unless you are a repeat customer, you'll be asked to make one or more confirming calls. These allow you to show that you're serious and reliable. The calls might be to the same number, or to another. Don't miss these calls. The last call will be some minutes before the session, and you will get the exact address at that time. A pro domme relies on referrals and repeat business. So she has an interest in your being satisfied with the session. This motivates both the negotiation questions and the session itself. If distance, location, or transportation is an issue, you may ask the general area where the session will be held. Only when you've agreed on an appointment time will you get the exact address, and that may be the day of the session. Most pro dommes have a range of wardrobe. If particular appearance is important or essential to you, say so on the phone. Don't make demands, but just state any important preferences you have, e.g "Boots and corsets are a turn-on for me". Pro dommes come in many shapes, sizes and ages. On the phone she will probably describe herself. If it's not going to work for you, just say it's not what you're looking for. On the other hand, pro dommes benefit from lots of experience, so the best ones are rarely the youngest. In general, price is not negotiable. Don't try to haggle. Further, many customers tip afterwards, just as at a restaurant. Checklist for end of call: Accepted methods of payment (cash, etc.) Session date, time, and duration. Arrival time window. E.g. "Arrive 5-15 minutes early", or "Ring the bell at exactly the session time". Session location. (Approximate location at first, exact address on the day.) Entrance procedures, e.g. which bell to ring. Parking or transit issues. Callback date/time and number. At the Session Arrive on time, or slightly early. If you can't make a session, phone immediately to cancel. Even if it's 15 minutes past the appointment start time, do phone. Don't try to get free extras, such as more time or more services. On the other hand, if the session isn't turning out as you imagined, say so. E.g. "I thought I'd be into caning, but I'm finding it too stingy. I wonder if I'd like something else better, like spanking or flogging." That gives the pro domme information they can work with, while staying within the parameters of the session, and preserving the dominant-submissive dynamic. Many clients of pro dommes are quite concerned about privacy. The session space will have specific procedures so that you don't bump into other clients. Follow these procedures, even if you're not concerned about your own privacy. The venue may have multiple session rooms, and multiple dommes. Other Comments and Advice Be aware that pro dommes talk to each other. They even have their own private email lists. Someone who becomes a problem with one becomes known to them all. You're a client, not a friend. Do you expect your dentist or tax accountant to be your best friend? Don't fall in love with your pro domme. She's probably not available or interested. Someone with pro domme skills can get playmates and lovers very easily. Read the Greenery Press book "Paying for It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Clients", edited by our friend Greta Christina. Although most sessions are professional domination, there are some that offer professional submission (pro sub). These same principles apply. A pro sub session will have a third person as safety spotter, and so generally cost a little more. Web sites http://fetlife.com/groups/747 Professional BDSM and clients discussion group on Fetlife http://fetlife.com/groups/29506 Pro Domme Direcctory group on Fetlife http://fetlife.com/groups/5537 Pro Domme Network group on Fetlife myRedBook.com, a SFBA review and advertizing site Referrals If you wish, we can refer you to an ethical, experienced pro domme. If you want this, email us with this information: Explicit permission to pass your note to candidate pro dommes. Contact information (email and/or phone). Your approximate geographic location. What is your BDSM experience, if any? What draws you to BDSM? What are you looking for in session? With whom have you had sessions before, if any? Why do you want a professional session?